Page 28 of MidKnight
Declan sat me in his lap and his hands closed over mine. He interlaced our fingers. It didn’t stop the shaking.
“I might … I feel like I might throw up,” I warned.
“My sweet, Peace. You’re just reacting to the attack earlier. You don’t need to apologize.”
“I shouldn’t have turned my back on him,” I was still bitter about how stupid I’d been.
Declan just lifted my hand to his lips and kissed it. He watched how it shook for a moment before he said, “I’m going to help you calm down, okay?”
“Yes.” The urge to vomit grew stronger. Abbas’ voice sounded again in my head.
“Let’s get your gown off,” Declan dropped my hands and reached for my chemise.
Just having his hands drag up my body sent my anxiety spiraling from one direction to another. My knights had only taken me together. Declan and I had never …
“Do you seriously want our first time—” I backed away from him. I didn’t. I didn’t want a nightmare to be the start of my first time alone with Declan. I wanted my first time with him to be sweet and innocent, somewhat bashful, the way I pictured him.
Declan shook his head and laughed as he yanked up my chemise, so it was above my waist. “Stay still. We aren’t sleeping together. I’m going to take care of you,” Declan breathed on my ear. “I know what an anxiety attack is like. That’s what you’re having.”
I glanced down at my hands. They were still shaking.
“I’ll be fine. Probably. Just need to puke.”
Declan’s lips rested against the shell of my ear. “Did you know, I used to have these a lot?”
“No.” I turned to look at him. I studied his light blue eyes. He held my gaze, steady and strong. By the look on his face, I could tell he was telling me the truth. And the ache that grew in my heart at the thought of him hurting was worse than fear. I touched his bare chest. “When? Why?”
He shook his head. “I’ll tell you. But first, I’m going to help your body relax a little, Peace. Trust me.”
“But—”
“Do you trust me?”
I nodded weakly. He pulled me close, so that my back was against the firm muscles of his chest. He bunched my chemise in his hands again and put his lips next to my ear. The feel of his breath on my ear and neck made it hard to think.
“I want you to trust me completely,” his voice was rough and emotional.
“I do.”
“I won’t hurt you. Ever.”
“I know,” I whispered.
“I’m going to take care of you. Calm you down and chase that nightmare away.” He pulled my chemise over the top of my head slowly and dropped it onto the bed next to us.
“I know.”
I turned into him. I needed a kiss. The things he was saying were so sweet. And that nervous energy inside needed action, not words. My mind didn’t want to make love to him until it was a sweet moment scattered with rose petals. My body felt differently. My body wanted to shed the tremors. My body wanted to writhe against Declan until he was shaking as badly as me, for entirely different reasons.
Declan didn’t give in to my body’s wishes. He gave me one soft kiss, feathering his lips over mine.
“It’s not just the nightmare,” I confessed.
“I know,” he whispered, dragging his fingers through my long brown mane.
“It feels overwhelming,” he whispered in my ear. “It feels like nothing is going right. Like nothing will ever go right. Like the world is spiraling out of control.”
“How do you know?” I mumbled into his shoulder.
