Page 103 of Knightfall
I stared down at his hand clutching mine. It was a struggle not to collapse in tears again. But my body was empty.
Quinn held out a cup of water. I took it gratefully with my free hand and downed the contents.
When I was finished, I noticed that my husbands had formed a protective semi-circle around me. For the first time, I saw Avia. Gorg, her birth father, held and rocked her at the foot of the bed.
There were long moments of staring. Long moments of nothingness.
Eventually, I cleared my throat. There was work to do. And, as mother always said, ‘Royalty must set aside emotion and do the work. And there is always work to be done.' The eyes in the room turned to look at me.
"We have an official proclamation to make. The funeral arrangements were already planned. Unless you'd like to make any changes ..." I added, looking toward my three fathers. Inside I was pleading, hoping they'd want to change the awful, archaic ritual of cliff jumping after their queen. But I didn't allow my face to show those hopes. The choice was theirs.
"No changes," Peter responded.
Avia burst into a new round of tears.
I mentally asked Quinn to comfort her.
Once he'd scooped up my little sister I turn to my fathers and gave them a nod. "Then the funeral will be at dawn." The water would be at its coldest. Hopefully, that meant it would take them more quickly. Less painfully. I bit back the trembling of my lip.
Sard it all. I’m changing that law, come hell or high water, I thought.
Ryan put an arm on my shoulder. I was about to shrug him off because I couldn't stand a comforting touch, not when I was barely holding it together. But he turned me toward him, and his voice was steady. "I will have my men prepare the ship and have the archers ready.”
“Do you think you could, the arrow—” I asked.
He nodded. “I’d be honored.”
Ryan turned to Connor. “You should alert the heralds in each town. Provide the script."
Next to me, Connor nodded. He untangled our fingers and lifted my hand to his lips. He kissed my hand, his face twisted with sadness. "I'll be right back, Bloss Boss."
He'd used my pet name. My heart gave a feeble jump. But it was so weighed down with pain. I'd lost my mother, was about to lose my fathers. War loomed. And there was a dragon somewhere in my country. Despite my best efforts, a whimper escaped.
He kissed my hand again. “Promise. Right back.”
I let him go. I swallowed the lump in my throat and watched Ryan and Connor walk out. Then I turned to Declan. “I’d like the list I’m sure you have drawn up, of all the possible contingencies upon mother’s … passing. I’d like to go over it.”
Declan nodded.
I turned and meet each of my fathers’ eyes. I gave them each a small nod. I couldn’t do anything further. I’d collapse. I’d fall to the floor and never be able to get up again. I left Quinn with Avia.
Declan and I walked out the door.
When we turned the corner, mother’s butler, Jorad, saw me. He bowed. “Your Majesty.”
I straightened my spine, though the words were like a lance through my middle.
I’m Queen. Queen, I thought. The word strangled me like a noose.
* * *
The funeral was held at dawn, when orange stripes of light peeled away the darkness from the sky. But dawn's rays didn't touch me. I was still as dark as midnight inside.
My knights were all in full armor and they stood behind me on the cliffs. Quinn still held Avia as she cried.
My mother’s body floated away with the tide, poinsettias surrounding her and stuffed underneath her limp hands. As if flowers could make death more beautiful, or this ritual less grim.
Ryan used a bow to shoot a flaming arrow at my mother's funeral ship. It caught, and I watched the flames slowly spread across her form.
