Page 109 of Christmas for the Village Midwife
Zoe noticed someone else was up. Billie was walking up and down, hands to the small of her back. She came over.
‘Couldn’t sleep?’ Zoe asked.
‘Got pins and needles and my back is aching.’ She looked at Georgia’s baby, content at her breast. ‘Is it hard?’ she asked.
‘Feeding? Not as bad as I thought it was going to be. It pinches a bit at first, but then we get the hang of it’ – she stroked a finger over his cheek – ‘don’t we, sonny Jim?’ She looked up. ‘Hmm…Sonny. What do you think?’
‘For a name?’ Billie asked, her expression telling them what she was too polite to say.
‘Maybe not then,’ Zoe said with a laugh.
‘I don’t know,’ Georgia said. ‘I think it could be a grower.’
‘Can I hold him?’ Billie asked. ‘When you’ve finished, I mean? Just to see…’
‘Course you can,’ Georgia replied. ‘Getting in some training, eh? For your own?’
‘I just want to have a go.’
Zoe tried not to read too much into Billie’s interest. She tried to contain the hope that was building in her, that Billie might yet decide to keep her baby. Nothing would make Alex happier, and if Zoe was being honest, she’d be thrilled too.
Baby’s eyes closed, and he was calm.
‘Has he finished?’ Billie asked.
‘I think so,’ Georgia said, looking to Zoe for reassurance.
‘You don’t need me to tell you,’ Zoe said. ‘You’re doing brilliantly on your own.’
‘Can I hold him now?’ Billie asked.
Georgia took a closer look and then seemed to decide he had finished his feed. After rearranging her shirt, she beckoned Billie closer before lifting him gently.
‘Don’t forget to support his head,’ Zoe reminded her.
‘I know,’ Billie said. ‘I’ve got it.’
Her face lit into a smile as she gazed at the little boy. Something had sparked in her – Zoe could see it a mile away. She’d seen it before, that maternal instinct kick in. She’d met mums who would never be maternal, ones who did their best even though it didn’t come naturally, and she’d met some who were full of it from the start. And she met some who were like Billie – for whatever reason, whether it was fear or doubt or simply that the reality of motherhood hadn’t yet sunk in – who had no maternal feelings for the baby they were carrying, but then there would be a catalyst, something would switch and then it would be on, full beam and all-encompassing. They’d transform from passive vehicles to fierce mother tigers willing to do anything for their child.
Zoe glanced at Georgia. There had never been any doubt that she was a mother tiger, but there was so much love in her eyes now, Zoe almost struggled to believe that so much depth of feeling was possible in one woman. She may not yet have had herown baby, but she knew, from this one moment of looking into Georgia’s soul, how it would feel if she ever did.
After a minute where all three women were silent, Billie looked up. ‘Do you want him back?’
‘Do you mind?’ Georgia held out her arms. ‘I am quite missing him.’
‘Yeah, sure… sorry.’
‘No need to be sorry. It’ll be your turn soon, after all.’ Georgia made the baby comfortable. ‘I suppose you have a name for yours already.’
‘No.’
‘Oh, not even ideas? It’s reassuring to know it’s not just me and Brett who can’t make up our minds.’
‘I haven’t thought about it,’ Billie said, which was a tiny lie, Zoe reflected, recalling that only a few hours before, she’d told Brett she’d want to use her dad’s name. But perhaps that had only been an idle comment made in passing. Because Billie, after all, wasn’t planning to keep her baby – or so she’d told Alex – so why would she bother to think of a name? It was one more grain of hope to add to the avalanche building in Zoe that she’d started to change her mind about that.
By the time her alarm went off, the church was filled with muted daylight. Zoe was groggy. Her sleep had been broken, getting up to check on Georgia almost every time she woke with her baby, but even when she’d managed to get her head down, her rest had been fitful and uncomfortable.
‘Well,’ Alex said, stirring beside her, ‘now I know what it’s like to camp in a church. Can’t say I’ll be recommending it to my holidaymakers in the summer.’
