Page 52 of The Village Midwife
‘God, yes, but even I’ve started to recognise that life goes on. I know for sure that if Jennifer were here, she’d tell me the same. I try to convince myself that helps, but some days are harder than others…’
‘It sounds like she was a smart woman. Is Billie very like her?’
‘You noticed she doesn’t look much like me? Yes, she’s the image of her mum. Lucky for her, eh?’
‘She’s beautiful. I thought how pretty she is the first time I saw her. Your wife must have been too.’
‘Thank you,’ he said. ‘I think so, but I might be biased. I wish I could help her through this, but sometimes, when I look at her pain, I feel as if I’m drowning under the weight of it. I know I lost Jennifer, but we had twenty-four brilliant years, enough memories for me to dig into when I’m down. In fact, we met when we were teenagers, and when I think of it that way, I had more of my life with Jennifer than without and I feel really lucky. But Billie has none of that. Her life with Luis was only just beginning. And then…it was over.’
‘How did he die?’
‘Motorbike crash on a mountain road. Hairpin bend that he took that bit too fast. The worst of it is, the road was so deserted nobody found him for hours, but if they had, he might have survived. I always think that now we’re back home, if he’d had the same accident on a busy road here, it wouldn’t have been the same at all.’
‘God, that must have been so hard for Billie.’
‘It was. Still is.’
The low walls around Kestrel Cottage began to appear in the distance. ‘I’m all right from here,’ she said.
‘I might as well go the whole way with you now. It’s no bother, and I’d feel happier knowing I’d seen you home.’
She let out a sigh. ‘I don’t suppose it’s that far. All right then.’ She wondered whether he was expecting to be invited in.
Just as she thought about how she might word that invitation without giving him the wrong idea, he spoke into the gap.
‘The man who came over when I was last at your house. That was your…?’
‘Ex. Ritchie. We’re on good terms still, and he was only coming to see how I was settling in.’
‘Ah. It’s good that you can be friends.’
Thoughts of Ritchie had suddenly clouded her judgement. Or perhaps they cleared it. While he was still in her life, in whatever capacity, was she able to get involved with another man? And why was she thinking that way? Nobody had said anything about romance – certainly not Alex – and a new relationship would complicate her life in ways she didn’t need. Right now, even inviting him in without any romantic subtext seemed like a bad idea.
‘I didn’t mean to pry,’ he said. ‘Tell me to keep my nose out if it’s something you don’t want to talk about.’
‘It’s not that. There’s nothing to tell, really.’
‘If you’re still such good friends, there’s no possibility that you and him will…’
‘Get back together? No, none at all.’
‘Right. Not that it matters; I was only wondering. Making conversation, you know…Ignore me; none of my business.’
There was a text message from Ritchie still unanswered on her phone, and she was reminded with more force than she’d like that she needed to do something about that. She hadn’t known what to say, and she hadn’t wanted to think about it, not when she had Alex beside her and she was fighting the urge to invite him inside. Not when his tone was telling her that he wanted the same. Was it in her head? She could imagine a flush,a hopefulness in his face that she couldn’t see in the gloom, and she wanted it to be true.
As they arrived at the gate, Zoe smiled up at him. ‘Thanks for seeing me home. I’ll get a report at the surgery, of course, but if Billie wants to talk to me about anything at all after her scan, she’s more than welcome to come over. Of course, ask her to message me first to make sure I’m in – no point in her having a wasted journey.’
‘I’ll do that. Thank you. You’ve been…well, thank you.’
She made her way up to the front door of Kestrel Cottage, and by the time she’d turned back to see where he was, he’d already been swallowed by the darkness of the hills.
15
The panic in Lavender’s voice set Zoe’s nerves on edge. She’d just packed her bag to head out on a home visit when the call came through from reception.
‘Zoe…can you go up to Ottilie’s room?’
‘Is everything all right?’
