Page 104 of The Village Midwife
‘Yeah, I know. But now it’s not happening.’
‘Not at the moment. At least, I don’t think so. I don’t think I’m your dad’s favourite person right now. He blames me for your decision to give up the baby.’
‘Oh. What should I do?’
‘Do? What do you mean?’
‘Should I tell him it’s not your fault?’
‘No. It’s not your job to put him straight. But he does know you’re an adult, right?’
‘I think sometimes he does forget. He feels like he has to be both my parents and that I still need protecting like a little girl. I think sometimes he wishes I was still little.’
‘Because that would mean he’d have his old life back? Like going back in time? So he’d have you and your mum and you’d all be together again?’
‘I don’t know. I didn’t think of that.’
‘Do you think that’s why he’s so upset about the adoption? Because he feels as if he’s lost enough already and now he’s going to lose someone else?’
‘Is that what he said to you?’
‘No, but I feel as if I ought to have thought to ask him at the time. To be honest, I was a bit overwhelmed. He was pretty angry. He told me that you’d told him it was my idea. I can’t help feeling I’ve been thrown under the bus here. I said it was an option, but I never said that’s what you ought to do.’
‘I thought he might roast you. Sorry about that.’
Zoe shot her a sideways glance and was encouraged to see that, although there weren’t any huge indications, she did look a tiny bit more remorseful than she had so far today. ‘If you thought he was going to roast me, why say it?’
‘I didn’t know he was going to roast you when I first told him. Obviously. I wouldn’t have mentioned you at all if I’d known. I thought you and him were all into each other, so it would be all right.’
They arrived at the gate of Kestrel Cottage. Zoe pushed it open, watching Billie’s face as she did. There was more to all this, she was sure of it, but Billie was playing her cards close to her chest and doing a fine job of it.
‘Hang on, I need to grab an old towel to dry Grizzle’s feet before you come in, if that’s all right.’
‘Want me to take my shoes off?’
‘If you don’t mind.’
Zoe kicked off her own boots in the hallway before dashing to the airing cupboard, digging into the bottom layer of her linens to get the oldest towel she had. She half expected to find Billie had gone and taken Grizzle with her when she got back to the front door, but they were both still there, Billie in her socks in the hallway and Grizzle sitting patiently on the step. Zoe bent down to give his paws a wipe. He thought she was playing and started to jump about so that in the end there was yet more mud on her dress and not very much on the towel. She gave it up as a bad job and let him dart into the house.
‘He doesn’t jump on furniture,’ Billie said, only for them both to walk into the living room and find him standing to attention with what looked like a proud grin on Zoe’s sofa. ‘Not at our house,’ Billie corrected.
At this point, Zoe had given up, so she ignored him and went to the kitchen, beckoning Billie to follow.
‘When did you decide about the adoption?’ she asked as she opened the fridge.
‘This morning.’
‘This morning?’ Zoe took out a bottle of orange juice and held it up.
Billie nodded. ‘Yeah, I’ll have orange juice.’
‘Just like that?’ Zoe continued, shaking the juice. ‘You thought it and you said it straight out? No wonder it came as a shock to your dad.’
‘I couldn’t see the point in messing around. Dad would have only said “Why didn’t you say something before?” if I hadn’t said anything right away. He usually does.’
‘Is that usually when you don’t have something quite this big to tell him?’
Billie took the glass of juice Zoe offered her. ‘He started the serious conversation, so I thought I might as well, as we were being all deep anyway.’
