Page 95 of The Village Midwife
‘How do you know?’
‘Because I know her! She’s my daughter, and I know her better than some woman who has been in her life for all of ten minutes!’
‘Alex, I’m sorry, but I did what I thought was best for her.’
‘And what about me? What if I lose the only chance I’ll ever have to be a grandparent? Bad enough that I lost my wife, that she’ll never get the opportunity to be a grandmother, but then you want to take my grandchild away?’
‘I’m not taking?—’
‘I thought you were our friend. I thought you weremyfriend. I thought…’ He paused, staring at her like he didn’t know what he was looking at. ‘I hoped for more, that’s all. You’re right, I’m stupid. I was stupid to hope for anything at all. I should have known it was too good to be true.’
She had no response. What could she say? She could go and talk to Billie, to try to change her mind, but she refused to do that simply to save whatever she might have had with Alex. It had to be Billie’s choice, no matter how hurt or angry it made anyone else. Zoe had believed that from the start, and she still believed it now, though there were doubts all the same. Billie had been worried, scared for her future, and even though Zoe had reassured her that there were options, she’d never seen any sign that Billie might want to go down this route. Perhaps there had been disinterest when they’d gone shopping for the cot, perhaps that should have been a clue, but it hadn’t been enoughfor Zoe to consider she might be getting ready to give her baby up.
He turned away.
‘Alex, please…talk to me about this.’
‘What good will that do?’ he asked, without turning back to face her. ‘You’ll convince me that you were right and it’s all for the best? And then we can pick up where we left off? I’m sorry but that’s not going to happen.’
‘Of course not.’
‘Do you intend to fix what you’ve done?’
‘There’s nothing to fix; I haven’t done anything wrong.’
He spun back. ‘What?’
‘I get that you’re in shock?—’
‘In shock?’ he yelped before lowering his voice to a harsh whisper. ‘I’d say that’s an understatement! What do you want from me? It’s bad enough having to face the prospect of losing my grandchild forever, but the fact that it was instigated by you makes it an even bigger kick in the guts. I’m trying really hard not to be angry with you, but I can’t deny I’m struggling. Maybe, one day, I might be able to look at you and not think about that, but it’s not today.’
She was consumed by a terrifying mix of emotions. She’d been left fragile by the encounter with Tegan, and now this. She was hurt, upset, devastated by his anger, and yet she was defiant and angry with him in return. She’d done what she felt was right for Billie, as she always did. She hadn’t forced Billie to do anything. Surely he could see that? It seemed not. She could only hope that, in time, he would understand. She was so overwhelmed that she didn’t trust what she might say next. Deciding it was better to say nothing, she shook her head. Her pulse racing and gravity dragging at her as if it might pull her to the centre of the earth, she then turned to go.
‘You’re not even sorry, are you?’
She heard him as she left, and she felt as if she was staggering as she walked away. She could go up to Hilltop to see Billie, but that might only make things worse. In the face of all that had happened here today, it was going to be a struggle to continue as Billie’s midwife. She wasn’t sure she could. Her involvement with father and daughter was too personal now, and she realised what an idiot she’d been. She’d have to talk to Fliss about handing Billie’s care to someone else, and Fliss would want to know why. The thought of explaining it to her made Zoe feel foolish and ashamed, as if she didn’t have enough to contend with.
Though Alex had kept his voice low and controlled, that had somehow been worse than if he’d raged and shouted. She’d never seen hurt and betrayal run so deep through someone’s soul before, and she couldn’t believe that she’d caused it.
She pushed through the crowds, making her way back to the table where Ottilie had her lunch waiting, barely noticing what was going on around her. As for her lunch, the last thing she wanted right now was food. She simply wanted to go to her little cottage on the hill and hide and pray that all this awfulness would go away.
‘Oi…’
She was dimly aware of the demand for her attention, but it didn’t register. And then it came again, louder, more insistent, followed by a loud whistle from between someone’s fingers.
Zoe turned this time to see a woman, hardly taller than her but somehow so much bigger, marching towards her. Her face was almost as red as her pillar-box hair, and there was something familiar about it that Zoe couldn’t place, though she was certain she’d never met her. The only other thing Zoe knew for certain was that she didn’t look happy.
‘You’re the midwife!’
‘Yes.’ Zoe frowned. ‘What’s…?’
‘What have you been saying to our Maisie? Telling her our food’s no good? What’s that mean? Just because you’re all la-di-da living up on your farm on the hill, you think that makes you better than us?’
‘I didn’t say?—’
‘She pulls her face at everything in the cupboard since you stuck your nose in. I can’t eat this, midwife says… I can’t eat that, midwife says… I’ve got to have vegetables; you’ve got to make me some crap with an avocado!’ The woman prodded Zoe in the chest. ‘How I run my house is nothing to do with you! Your job is to make sure she’s all right with that baby, and nothing more, so I’ll thank you to keep your nose out!’
‘Listen,’ Zoe began, but the woman cut in.
