Page 84 of The Village Midwife
‘For bringing you here. I never thought…I shouldn’t have pushed you to come.’
‘I didn’t mind.’
‘You should. It was insensitive of me when I knew about your baby. And then you were looking at that cot and you seemed…’
‘I can’t go around pretending other women aren’t having babies,’ Zoe said. She pushed a bright smile across her face for him. ‘I mean, that would be daft when it’s my job to help look after them.’
‘That’s your job, but this…’ He shook his head. ‘I’m an idiot.’
Zoe was about to speak again when she noticed Billie coming back to them.
‘I thought you wanted to look at this stuff.’
‘We’re coming,’ Zoe said, giving one last look to Alex to tell him she was OK. She was – she had to be. She didn’t want to be the person who sucked the joy from the room, and she was learning to cope with her loss, slowly but surely. There would be moments when she’d think about it, when she’d be too tempted to imagine how her life would be now if her baby had arrived in the world safe and sound, of course there would, but she couldn’t let those moments define her.
As Billie and Alex pored over mattresses with the sales assistant, Zoe took the opportunity to sneak off and look at the toys. Alex glanced up once or twice to see where she was, but when she got a moment or two unnoticed, she picked up a colourful rattle and teething ring and took them to the counter to pay. Slipping them into her bag, she went to join the others.
‘Are you OK?’ Alex mouthed when Billie wasn’t looking. She nodded, and he turned back to the assistant as she worked out costs on a calculator.
A few minutes later, he went to settle the bill and arrange for delivery of the things they’d bought. Billie watched him in silence from a seat near the entrance doors, Zoe at her side.
‘I think your dad’s relieved to have this sorted out,’ Zoe said.
‘I don’t know why – it’s not his problem.’
‘It’s nobody’sproblem,’ Zoe said. ‘He only wants the best for you and the baby.’
‘Maybe…’ Billie replied. Then she was silent again.
Zoe felt she ought to say something more but didn’t know what, and then Alex was on his way back over.
‘They can deliver next week,’ he said, rubbing his hands together and offering Billie a smile that was full of hope, desperate for validation. He wanted her to say he’d done a good thing, that he was being what she needed, but Billie only nodded and then got up from her seat.
‘One step closer to being all set,’ Zoe said, wanting to give him what Billie couldn’t. ‘That’s good. It’ll be a lot less stressful when the time comes if you have everything ready.’
Shoving his hands in his pockets, he hesitated and then spoke again. ‘I don’t suppose anyone fancies stopping somewhere on the way back for a bite to eat? Or a drink or something…it seems a shame to go straight home when we’re close to a decent-sized town.’
‘I’m tired,’ Billie said before heading to the doors.
Alex looked at Zoe. ‘Maybe you could come to Hilltop for a drink before you go home? I’d walk you back afterwards.’
‘That does sound nice, but if Billie’s tired…you could come to mine.’
‘I would, but…’ He let his gaze wander to the car park beyond the glass doors of the shop, where Billie was waiting.
‘Of course,’ Zoe said. ‘Maybe another time.’
‘I’m really grateful, you know,’ he added. ‘It must have taken a lot for you to come here. I wish you’d said something when I asked?—’
‘I told you – it’s fine. I wanted to come. I’m not sure how much help I’ve been, but if it’s been any help at all, then I’m glad.’
‘Billie probably wouldn’t say so, but I think you have. She needs a few more women in her life, especially women like you.’
‘Like me?’ Zoe raised her eyebrows. ‘I’m assuming you mean that in a good way?’
‘In the best way,’ he said, his voice suddenly warm and fervent. ‘We’re so lucky to have you living so close by.’
‘I think so too,’ Zoe said, fighting a blush that spread up from her neck. ‘Not that you’re lucky to have me, but I’m lucky to have you. I mean, you two…both of you.’
