Page 45 of The Village Midwife
‘Yes, who…?’
‘I’m Tegan’s midwife.’
His stoic, unreadable expression suddenly collapsed into something far more desperate. ‘We tried to phone you.’
‘I know. I’m sorry I didn’t…Is everything OK?’
He drew a breath, as if trying to prop himself up with it, and then shook his head. ‘She’s in the hospital. They say she’s lost the baby.’
‘Are you sure?’ Zoe asked, even though she immediately realised it was the most stupid response to a statement she’d ever given. Of course he was sure. Of course it was true because the staff at the hospital didn’t say things like that if they didn’t know it for certain. She felt sick. She should have seen this coming. She’d been responsible for keeping Tegan and her baby safe. She could barely look Dennis in the eye as he nodded.
‘They’re keeping her in. I’ve just come home to get some things for her.’
‘Right…’ Zoe looked helplessly at the car where Alex seemed to be following their conversation, though she was glad to see he’d understood the need to keep a respectful distance.
She looked back at Dennis. She could offer to go to the hospital to see Tegan, but the team caring for her there would probably see it as an imposition. There were midwives who worked both out in the community and in the hospital, but Zoe wasn’t one of those – her remit now was community only. The hospital team would have it under control, and her presence would only complicate things.
But that didn’t mean she didn’t want to go. She wanted to go more than anything, if only to lend support. Tegan didn’t even need that, not really, because she had her husband by her side.Perhaps wanting to go was more about Zoe than Tegan. Perhaps there was guilt that needed to be alleviated. Hard as it was to face, it was almost certainly true. ‘Do you need anything from me?’
‘I don’t think so.’
After a brief hesitation, Zoe gave a short nod. ‘I’m really sorry to hear about it. I’ll phone Tegan tomorrow to see how she is.’
‘Thanks, I think she’d appreciate that.’
‘Everything all right?’ Alex asked as she got back into the car.
‘Yeah.’
When he didn’t restart the engine, she turned to see him frowning at her. ‘You don’t seem sure about that.’
What could she say? She couldn’t tell him what had happened – even if it wasn’t breaking the rules, it wasn’t her place. She’d risked enough getting him this involved and was already beginning to regret her decision to let him drive her around.
‘It’s all sorted,’ she said, finding the effort to make her voice sound calm utterly draining.
‘So you want to go home?’
‘Yes, please.’
Home, where she could reflect on all her failures and spend a sleepless night worrying about how she could mess up the care for all the other women she was meant to be looking after.
13
Did you get my message the other night? x
Zoe locked her phone with an impatient exhale. Ritchie’s message was where all the trouble began. If not for Ritchie’s message, Zoe wouldn’t have had her phone set to silent and wouldn’t have missed Tegan’s call. The last thing she wanted to do this morning was read or respond to Ritchie’s stupid messages.
There was a light tap at her office door.
‘You can come in.’
Ottilie pushed open the door. ‘Hey, how are you? Simon told me about Tegan. You mustn’t blame yourself.’
‘I saw her in clinic.’
‘And you put her under surveillance, which was what any of us would have done with any other patient. There was no huge red flag…was there?’
Zoe didn’t like the way Ottilie had left the question open-ended. As if there might have been a red flag and that Zoe might have missed it. She’d been over the question herself many times since she’d left Tegan’s house. Could she have done more? Should she have seen the signs? But every time she askedherself, the answer was the same. If time had somehow rewound and she could have done the clinic appointment again, she’d have done the same thing, every time. It was what her training would have told her to do. There were warnings of something, but nobody at that point could have known what.
