Page 13 of The Village Midwife
‘I know, but?—’
‘Ritchie, don’t do this. We agreed it was for the best, and we can’t keep going back and forth on it. I don’t know about you, but I haven’t come this far to undo everything. And we can’t go back to the way we were – it wasn’t healthy for either of us.’
‘So you keep saying.’
‘We agreed,’ Zoe repeated. She rubbed at her temple. ‘Not that I don’t appreciate you calling, but it’s late and?—’
‘Of course. Sorry, I shouldn’t have called.’
‘Don’t make me feel guilty.’
‘I’m not trying to.’
‘But you are.’
‘Will you message me? Later in the week – to let me know how things are.’
Zoe nodded, forgetting for a moment that he couldn’t see her reply. She didn’t see the point, and yet, knowing that he wanted to be sure she was OK pulled at her resolve.
‘Zoe…?’
‘Sorry, yes. I’ll text you.’
‘If it’s a problem, then…’
‘It’s not. But don’t worry too much if it’s not for a few days. I’ll be busy.’
There was a pause too long for Zoe’s liking until he relented. ‘Right then. Don’t forget to text me. If you don’t?—’
‘I will. Bye, Ritchie.’
She ended the call without waiting for his response. If he had anything else to add, it would have to wait.
After plugging the phone back in, she dropped to the bed and sat staring out of the window. Dusk had claimed the world beyond it, turning the hills into black shadows with only a handful of yellow lights to mark out where there were houses clinging to their sides. Above them, the sky was indigo, becoming ink blue, the first stars blinking. Why did this have to be so hard?
Her hand went to her belly, an instinctive move that only saddened her whenever it happened. Six months after she’d lost her baby, she still did it. Her life would have looked so different now if only she’d managed to take better care of her child, if only there had been some way to prevent the loss that haunted her. She blamed herself, even though she’d told so many other women who’d suffered the exact same tragedy that it wasn’t their fault. Her professional mind knew she wasn’t to blame, but that didn’t stop her feeling it. She’d lost her baby, and then she’d lost so much more. Things had to get better soon, didn’t they?
5
Zoe’s first day as the new midwife for the village of Thimblebury and its neighbours featured no actual expectant mothers. Instead, she found herself numbed into frustrating boredom by systems that needed to be set up, software that she needed to be registered on and lists of patient details.
Her colleagues at the surgery were every bit as welcoming as Ottilie had promised they would be. The senior partner, Dr Fliss Cheadle, was cheerful but brisk, putting her head around the door for a quick good morning, asking if Zoe needed anything and not waiting for the answer, only shooting back a ‘jolly good, I’ll let you get on; you know where I am if you change your mind’. Dr Stokes – Simon – was charming and sincere, and spent a few more minutes putting her at ease, but explained that his schedule was full and shortly after made his excuses to leave. Ottilie said the same thing, and it was down to Lavender, the receptionist and – as she termed it – surgery mum to sit alongside Zoe whenever she could and help her get to grips with all her initial admin.
‘Tegan Forester…’ Lavender tapped at the screen of the monitor. ‘Be prepared – when you see her, the appointmentis likely to run over. Not likely, guaranteed is more like. Born worrier, that one.’
‘Older mum too,’ Zoe murmured as she clicked to read the background notes.
‘Caught out,’ Lavender said with a tone of authority.
Zoe glanced across. ‘You know her? Personally, I mean?’
‘Only as much as everyone knows everyone else personally around here. It’s common knowledge she wasn’t planning a baby.’
‘Two previous pregnancies…’ Zoe read out loud.
‘Yep. Youngest of those is now seventeen, so…’ Lavender gave a careless shrug. ‘I don’t think she’s filled with enthusiasm for starting all that baby business again, but it’s her choice to carry on, so what can you do? I expect she’ll come round – that’s usually the case, isn’t it?’
Zoe went back to the main screen, Lavender still reading alongside her. ‘Maisie will be all right,’ she said, pointing at another name. ‘A bit wet behind the ears, but she’s a little sweetheart who won’t give you any trouble at all. Her family, on the other hand…’
