Page 115 of The Village Midwife
‘To do what? We’re fine now, aren’t we?’
‘No,’ he said, and there was a sudden intensity in his eyes that sent her heart rate soaring. ‘I mean, yes, we’re fine, but we’re not what I hoped we could be. You must know how much I like you.’
‘I’ll admit,’ she said, her heart still thumping despite her efforts to play it cool. ‘You were giving mixed signals not so long ago.’
‘Not in the beginning. I think you might have felt the same. I hoped you did.’
‘We can’t, Alex. Not after all that was said. What about Billie? Nothing has changed there. She’s still going to have the baby adopted, and you still think that’s my fault.’
‘I don’t! I lashed out, I know, but I don’t think that. Of course you’d talk about it because she asked you to.’
Zoe shook her head. ‘I’ll always feel as if that’s there, in the background. And when the day comes and she gives her baby up?—’
‘If…’
‘Right now, we have to assume it’s a when.Whenthe day comes, how will you feel about me then? When the thing you hate most in the world happens, what then? Will you look at me and think I’m the cause?’
‘I can’t deny that I don’t want it to happen. But the last few days have made me realise that it’s about Billie, not me. She’s mydaughter, and I have to support her whatever she does, however I feel about it, because she’s my priority. I know that in the end you were doing the same. That night when you took us to the hospital and you were so kind and so patient with us both, even though we didn’t deserve it, it made me realise what I’d done to you, and that I’d love to have a person like you in my life – in our lives, mine and Billie’s. You have every right to say no, and you probably will, but if you still, on any level, want to go for that drink, I’d love it.’
He ran a hand through his thick hair as he watched her closely, waiting for her answer.
‘I don’t know,’ she said. ‘I want to, but…’
He nodded, seemingly shrinking before her eyes. ‘Of course. I’d probably say the same. But we can still be friends, I hope. That would mean a lot to me.’
She paused, her mind racing. She wanted to say yes, but she was afraid.
The sound of a text notification broke the silence.
‘I think that’s your phone,’ she said.
‘It can wait?—’
‘It might be Billie,’ she reminded him. ‘Maybe get it now. At least that way, if there’s a problem, I can come over to Hilltop with you.’
He nodded and then gave a wan smile as he read the message. ‘It is Billie,’ he said, ‘but it’s nothing to worry about.’ He tapped out a one-word reply.
A second later, Zoe’s phone sounded the arrival of a message.
‘It’ll be Billie,’ he said, ‘Don’t worry about getting it now.’
Zoe frowned. ‘Why not? If it’s Billie, then I ought to…’ She got up and went to fetch her phone from the kitchen. On the way back, she opened up the message.
Why won’t you say yes?
Alex was texting when she walked into the living room, and Zoe wondered if he was trying to intercept whatever Billie was up to.
‘I take it Billie knew you were going to ask me out again?’
‘I’m sorry, she asked me where we were at, and I might have said something about wanting to, and she’s been waiting to hear.’
‘Hmm.’ Zoe studied him for a moment. ‘You two really are a package deal, aren’t you?’ she said with a wry smile. ‘Do you tell one another everything?’
‘Not everything. I’m sorry. I didn’t know what to do, and I ended up blabbing it all out to her.’
‘And she said you should come over?’
‘She said I was an idiot if I didn’t. I mean, I can’t argue with that, can I? And I wanted to anyway, before you think this is all Billie’s doing. I wanted to come and see you, but I wasn’t sure how I’d be received.’
