Page 3 of The Little Island Flower Stall
‘You’d never do that,’ said Brian.
‘But…’ Wendy put in with a shrewd look. ‘Are you worried you might start to feel as if you’ve gone backward and that your life is a failure if you stay with us for too long? Is that it, Bell?’
‘Iamforty,’ Bella replied, flinching at the mild offence on her dad’s face. ‘I shouldn’t be living with my parents at forty, should I? Most people of my age have a partner and a nice home and children…God, some even have grandchildren! And what have I got right now? A failed marriage, no children and a spare bedroom in my parents’ house. Wow, what a success I’ve made of my life…’
‘I always said it was a mistake to go along with Sean’s idea of not having children—’ Wendy began.
‘Not helping, Mum,’ Bella cut her off brusquely but then softened as she realised her annoyance wasn’t helping either. The truth was she’d agreed to Sean’s terms when they’d married and she’d been content enough with their life, though in her quiet hours she sometimes wondered whether she was missing out, not having children. She supposed now she’d never know. And considering the current circumstances, perhaps being childless would turn out to be a blessing. At least the only person who had to go through the brutality of an acrimonious split – and she had no doubt that it would be acrimonious – was her. She was scared enough of her future right now without having a child to worry about too.
‘No, perhaps it’s not,’ Wendy said. ‘Sorry. You have to understand this is a bombshell for us too.’
‘Is it?’ Bella raised her eyebrows. ‘OK. A bombshell, maybe, but not a surprise? At least that was what your face was telling me when I arrived with my news.’
‘We always had…’
Seeing Wendy struggle for the right word, Brian leaped in to fill the gap: ‘Reservations about him.’
‘Tactful as always,’ Bella replied with a pained smile.
‘Is this really it?’ Wendy asked. ‘You won’t be tempted to go back to him once you’ve cooled down?’
‘I am cooled down. I’m not even angry – not at him, not now. I’m angry at me for letting him…never mind. How can I be angry at him? He’s like…I don’t know…he’s like a cat who does that spraying thing on your rhododendron bush. It’s just his nature, and he can’t be anything different. I suppose, on some level, I always believed I could change him, tame him, but…what’s the use? He might seem like he’s settled but, deep down, he’s always going to be that man, and somewhere down the line it will come to the surface again.’
‘Hmmm.’ Wendy nodded slowly. ‘He thinks with his downstairs apparatus. Like a lot of them.’
Bella’s smile, despite the situation, appeared once more, and this time it was genuine. ‘That’s one way of putting it – a very tactful one. Have you and Dad been taking lessons in diplomacy?’
‘I sometimes wonder if we’ve been too diplomatic over the years.’ Wendy patted Bella’s hand gently. ‘I can’t help feeling some of this is our fault.’
‘How on earth is it your fault?’ Bella acknowledged the cup of tea her dad had just placed on the table in front of her with a brief nod before turning back to her mum.
‘Perhaps if we’d aired some of our reservations before now, we might have been able to…oh, I don’t know. I suppose I wish there was something I could do to make it better. I hate to see you upset like this.’
‘Mum, I make my own choices – as we all do. I chose to marry Sean. I probably had a sense of what kind of man he was even back then, but I ignored it like I would have ignored your…reservations, even if you had spoken to me about them. I don’t blame you. I don’t blame him. I’m not even going to blamemyself because what would be the use? And in answer to your earlier question, this is absolutely, definitely it. The end. Finito. The sooner I can get a divorce and get him out of my life the better.’
Brian shook his head sadly as he took a seat at the table with them. ‘Oh, Bell. What did he do to you?’
‘He didn’t hurt me, Dad, if that’s what you’re worried about. Nothing like that – at least nothing physical. As for the emotional hurt, I’m already over it, I promise. Nothing that man can do now can hurt me ever again because I won’t let it.’
‘Still, as your mum says, we feel…well, not responsible as such but pained that we can’t do anything to help.’
‘You are helping – you’re here for me when I need you. I know I just said I can’t stay here indefinitely, but I know I have you for now, and that’s enough while I work out what comes next. I can’t tell you what a relief that is. I don’t mind admitting that the thought of my future is a bit scary right now.’
‘I can only imagine.’ Wendy picked up her teacup. ‘I’d find it all terrifying if—’ She clamped her mouth shut again at the sight of Bella’s wince. ‘Sorry…not helpful either, I suppose.’
‘Not wrong, though,’ Bella said. ‘I’m trying not to focus on the fear and see something more positive in the situation. Like maybe this is a crossroads and maybe it’s a good thing for my life. I just have to choose the right direction. Then again, all directions could be right, only in different ways. They might all end up somewhere better than I am now. Let’s face it, they can hardly lead anywhere worse.’
Brian put his cup down and shot a hesitant glance at his wife. ‘You know that letter we had from Celestine…?’
‘What about it?’
‘I was wondering…could that be something for Bella to think about? A two birds, one stone sort of situation?’
‘I hardly see how,’ Wendy replied briskly.
‘What’s that?’ Bella’s forehead creased as she looked from her dad to her mum and then back again. ‘Celestine? As in Great-Aunt Celestine on Jersey? What letter? What’s going on there?’
‘Nothing for you to worry about at the moment,’ Wendy said, taking her empty teacup to the dishwasher.
