Page 88 of New Dreams for the Village Nurse
Heath’s expression changed again in an instant. He’d been sorry for his words and behaviour and he’d looked it, but now there was distrust in his face.
‘I’m sorry,’ Ottilie said. ‘I’m not trying to be mysterious or anything, but it’s not my story to tell.’
‘Not even to me? I thought we were meant to tell each other everything?’
‘Not this.’
‘So it’s secrets? We’ve been together less than a year and there are secrets already. Something is starting to feel familiar here.’
‘I don’t know what you mean, but it’s not my secret.’
‘You’re the one keeping it from me, so as far as I can tell it is.’
‘If you’re so desperate to know why don’t you go and ask him?’ Ottilie fired back, though that was the last thing she wanted. In a fit of pique it had escaped her mouth, and now she wished she could take it back.
‘You’d love that, wouldn’t you? I’d look like a tool, and everyone would think so.’
‘That’s not what I meant?—’
‘I think I should go.’
Ottilie folded her arms tight across her chest. ‘Oh, now, see, that’s starting to feel familiar to me. It’s your default response these days, isn’t it? We begin a difficult conversation and you bail.’
‘I’m not bailing. I’m leaving before one of us says something we regret. There’s a difference.’
‘Looks the same to me.’
‘I don’t know what you want me to say, but this is hardly my idea of a good night out and I’m sure it can’t be yours. I think you’d rather be talking to Simon right now so?—’
‘Argh!’ Ottilie let out an impetuous squeal. It wasn’t in her nature to lose her temper, but she was sick of them going round in circles, and even more sick of Heath’s digs. More than one conversation in the room halted and they turned to look at her. She smoothed her expression and lowered her voice. ‘If you really must know, he lost his wife and young child. There. Happy?’
Heath at least had the decency to look ashamed, but Ottilie was already angry and there was no way back. ‘I wasn’t keeping secrets; I was being respectful of someone else’s past because I know how hard it is to have something like that in it. I don’t know how I can make you see I’m not Mila. I’m not a bit like her, and if you can’t see that by now then I don’t know how we can move forward. It feels as if we’ll always be in her shadow. Rightnow I feel as if I’m in a relationship with the both of you because she’s always bloody there!’
Heath was silent for a moment as he stared at her. ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t know you felt that way.’
‘I don’t know how you missed it, but yeah, that’s how I feel.’
‘So what do we do about it?’
‘The question is whatyoudo about it. I’m not the one with the problem. Maybe you should go and work on fixing that and then come back to me when you’re figured it out.’
‘You want to end things?’ Heath asked, his voice incredulous.
‘Of course I don’t, but I also don’t like the way things are going. If we don’t sort this now then it will end, because between us we’ll ruin it.’
‘I’d never do that.’
‘Open your eyes, Heath. You’re already doing it, even if you don’t mean to.’
He shook his head slowly. ‘I don’t want to have this discussion. I think I will go, but I’ll call you tomorrow when we’ve both calmed down.’
‘Don’t patronise me. I am calm; it’s you who needs to calm down. You’re seeing threats that aren’t there.’
‘I think you’re the one doing that. You keep telling me you’re not Mila like she’s…She’s no threat to you. She’s nothing to me.’
‘Then why do you take me to the places you took her? Like the spa, and the restaurant where we saw her…Don’t lie – it’s obvious the reason she chose that place and the reason you chose that place was because you’d both been there together.’
‘That’s not the reason we went there – I thought you’d like it!’
