Page 87 of New Dreams for the Village Nurse
‘I don’t even know what to say,’ Ottilie hissed as she watched her go. ‘I don’t know why you’re being like this. If you don’t want to be here, all you have to do is say so. I won’t stop you from leaving; not when you’re in this sort of mood.’
‘I’m not in a mood.’
‘Then why do I dislike you so much right now?’
‘I’m sorry you dislike me. I haven’t changed, and you used to like me well enough before…’
Ottilie crossed her arms. ‘Before you started being horrible?’
‘Before…Never mind – you’ll only take his side anyway. After all, who can compete with all that?’
‘All what? What are you talking about?’
‘You know what – don’t make me say his name here because somebody will hear me.’
‘You had no problem saying it five minutes ago.’
‘Yeah…’ Heath glanced around. ‘But people have started to notice that we’re having words now. In this village, having words in public means everyone will know what it’s about because they’ll be doing their best to hear what we’re saying.’
‘I’m sure we’re not that interesting.’
‘You mean I’m not.’
‘I didn’t say that.’
‘But I don’t volunteer at soup kitchens or fly across the globe to save the lives of poor people.’
Ottilie had no words. For a moment she simply stared at him. Finally, she found them, for what they were worth.
‘Is that really what’s eating you? All this because you feel…what? I don’t even know. I’ve never asked you to do any of those things. I mean, I invite you to help out if you want to, but I’ve never judged you for not doing any of it. I totally understood you didn’t have the time. You do good in other ways.’
‘Like what?’
‘Heath, stop it. I don’t know what you want me to say. I tell you all the time how important you are to me, how much I care about you. What more do you want? I don’t know what else you need from me. Am I supposed to do something to prove it? Because right now I’m really confused about where we are.’
He was silent for a moment as he studied her. And then he shook his head. ‘I’m sorry. I don’t know why I said any of that, but you’re right. I suppose I feel…’
There was another heavy pause. And then Ottilie spoke into it.
‘You don’t need to feel like anything. I don’t love anyone else; I don’t want anyone else. I only love you and I want you.’
‘And I want you too,’ he said, but Ottilie took no comfort from his reply. She was more concerned at what he’d missed out. She’d said it – again, and more directly this time. He’d only told her he wanted her in return. She’d given him the perfect opportunity to say he loved her and he’d ignored it.
He leaned in to kiss her lightly. ‘Ignore me. I must be hard work and you’re totally right – I’m being unfair.’
‘I wish I could understand it.’
‘Honestly…’ He rubbed a hand through his chestnut waves. ‘So do I. Sometimes I feel like I can’t believe you picked me.’
‘Well, that’s silly.’
‘But it’s not. Everyone loves you. I bet’ – he lowered his voice – ‘if you were single, he’d be trying to get with you. And I’m not saying that to be weird or jealous or territorial or anything – it’s because I see it. I see the way he looks at you, and you’d be perfect for each other, and if you were both single I know you’d be together.’
‘Heath, do you have any idea how daft that sounds? Things don’t work like that. Just because two people look as if they ought to go together on paper doesn’t mean they will. There’s no chemistry between us at all – surely you can see that? He doesn’t look at me like anything. Or maybe he only sees me as a really good friend who’s been through what he’s been through, someone who understands him like only a few other people could.’
‘What does that mean?’
She shook her head. ‘I can’t tell you.’
