Page 35 of New Dreams for the Village Nurse
‘Hmmm…’ Fliss was suddenly thoughtful. ‘That’s interesting,’ she said finally, her eyes fixed on the road. ‘Very good to know.’
The sun had finally broken through as they parked up and began their walk. The route Fliss had chosen – starting at Wray Castle and along to Blelham Tarn – was new to Ottilie, and she suspected it was new to Lavender and Fliss too. She’d chosen well, though, because the clear, crisp brightness of theearly spring weather only added to the stunning beauty of their surroundings.
Wray Castle was an odd little place, and they took half an hour out of their schedule to take a proper look at it. It was curious and quaint and lovely, and Ottilie wasn’t surprised to hear that it had actually been built by a Victorian rather than someone far earlier, because it looked like a toy castle, exactly like the sort of thing a wealthy Victorian would build. She was surprised and quite excited to learn that it had also hosted a very young Beatrix Potter and must have played a part in her love for the Lakes.
From there they made their way to Blelham Tarn, which was so untypical of the district, with a quieter, gentler beauty, but beautiful nonetheless. The water was calm and blue, and Ottilie could see acres of plant life beneath the surface, not to mention the forests of reeds along the banks. She held her breath as she spotted a kingfisher dive into the water and tried to make out what birds might be making up the cacophony of song, though there were far too many to recognise even one, even if she really knew how to.
‘I feel as if I’ve missed out all these years,’ Fliss said as they stopped to rest halfway around the tarn. ‘How entitled of me to have all this on my doorstep and yet never take the time to come and see it.’
‘You’re busy,’ Ottilie said. ‘We all are. Life gets in the way often.’
‘Far too often…’ Fliss’s gaze was on the distant hills, indigo and emerald and gold and amber in the sun, pensive, as if her thoughts weren’t really on their beauty after all.
A movement caught Ottilie’s eye as something splashed into the water. Another kingfisher? She turned her gaze to the spot, hoping to see it emerge from behind the reeds, but her thoughts weren’t really there either. Fliss was right – life got in the wayfar too often to enjoy simple pleasures like this. She wished she’d learned that lesson while Josh had been alive because, though they’d been happy, it seemed now that in one way or another they’d always been too busy to make time to enjoy moments like this together, and she made a pact with herself right there and then that she wouldn’t let that happen with Heath.
She was brought back to the moment by the sound of a deep sigh from Fliss.
‘Actually…’ she began slowly, ‘there’s a reason I wanted to see you both today. Apart from enjoying this lovely morning,’ she added. ‘I hadn’t quite decided what I was going to do, but I’ve had plans hatching in my mind for a while now. I was hoping to get your opinions on it, but as our walk has gone on, I’ve realised I don’t need anyone else’s opinion. I think I’d already made up my mind, but I was too scared to say so.’
She looked at Lavender and Ottilie in turn, and her smile was so sad and yet so resigned that Ottilie couldn’t imagine what she could possibly be about to say that was so bad it would make such a smile.
‘I’ve decided…’ Fliss hesitated, and then, as if it hurt to look at them, she turned her attention back to the distant hills. ‘I’ve decided to take early retirement.’
‘What?’ Lavender’s eyes widened.
Fliss turned to her now, something shrewder on her face. ‘Don’t tell me it’s a complete surprise. I’m not getting any younger?—’
‘You’re not old!’ Lavender cut in, and Fliss held back a frown.
‘Almost sixty-three. Not old, but not getting any younger either. Neither is Charles. We both work hard and we don’t have nearly enough time to do the things we’d always said we would. His heart attack was a timely warning that we don’t have all that many years left. I choose to see it as a positive thing, a reminder that it’s time we both put ourselves and each other first.’
‘Just like that?’ Lavender’s voice was thick and there were tears in her eyes. Ottilie might have felt that way too, but she had such empathy for Fliss’s position that although she didn’t want her to go any more than Lavender did, she understood that it was a positive step, one that Fliss and Charles deserved. Hadn’t she herself been thinking that she ought to dedicate more time to Heath? How many times had she cursed that she’d never done it with Josh? Of course Charles’s close call would make Fliss do the same.
‘I understand it might seem sudden,’ Fliss said. ‘But I can assure you it’s not. Just because I haven’t mentioned it, doesn’t mean I haven’t been thinking about it. In all honesty, it’s been at the back of my mind for some time, even before Charles’s heart attack, but every time it came to the fore I put it on the back burner and got on with things.Next year, I kept telling myself,think about it again next year. But what if there isn’t a next year? If Charles’s illness has made one thing very clear, it’s that there are no guarantees of a next year.’
She glanced at Ottilie, a glance loaded with understanding. Ottilie gave a tiny nod.
‘Can’t you go part-time?’ Lavender asked.
‘Lavender,’ Ottilie cut in, ‘it sounds to me like Fliss has made up her mind. And we all know that part-time in a job like that is never really part-time.’
Fliss nodded slowly. ‘I’d always be thinking about the surgery even when I wasn’t there. I’d need a partner, and I’d be worried about continuity of care if there was more than one doctor seeing a patient. I’d end up going into work even if it wasn’t my turn.’
‘You’d be bored if you retired now!’ Lavender insisted. ‘I know you – you’d last two minutes before it started to drive you mad!’
Fliss was quiet, her gaze on the hills again. ‘I must admit that had crossed my mind too.’
‘Then why don’t you take on a partner and carry on with reduced hours? We’d make sure you didn’t do more than you were meant to…’ Lavender looked at Ottilie for support. ‘Wouldn’t we?’
Ottilie shrugged. ‘Yes, but ultimately it has to be Fliss’s decision.’ She turned to Fliss. ‘I haven’t known you anywhere near as long as Lavender, but I think I know you well enough to know that you might be tempted to make your decision based on what you think we want, but this time you can’t. You have to think of yourself and Charles and what’s best for you both. Obviously I’m on the same page as Lavender – I’d miss working with you and I would wish you to stay – but I’m not going to say so.’
Fliss gave her a small smile. ‘Thank you. Shall we walk some more? Perhaps a bit more oxygen to the brain will make things seem clearer. I must admit, I hadn’t expected quite such a strong reaction to my announcement. And I know what you’re saying, Ottilie, but it is making me question my decision.’
‘I can see why, but if you think it’s right, then please don’t.’
‘But I wonder if there might be another option. You said the locum is very good and he’s looking for a permanent position.’
‘Yes, but…’
