Page 33 of New Dreams for the Village Nurse
‘So feel free to jabber.’
‘See, now I can’t think of anything to say.’
‘There must be something you want to talk about.’
He glanced briefly her way now before turning back to the road. ‘Is this about Mila?’
‘If you like. I’m not going to force you to talk about it, but I wonder if it would help.’
‘I don’t need to. As soon as she was out of my face she was forgotten.’
‘Really? You can put her out of your mind that easily? Because I don’t think I would be able to.’
‘That’s because she didn’t do the things to you that she did to me. Let me tell you, if she had you’d be only too happy to put her out of your mind. I was annoyed when I first saw her. It’s just my bloody luck she’d turn up today of all days, the one time I take you out in Manchester. Honestly, I’m starting to wonder if Gran might have a point. I might be better off living in Thimblebury. At least I won’t run into her there.’
‘You’d go to those lengths to avoid seeing her?’
‘It’s not quite like that. There is another very persuasive argument for moving to Thimblebury.’
Ottilie flushed. They’d joked about it, and she’d never taken any talk of him joining her there seriously, but she’d made it clear that she wasn’t about to leave the village she’d grown to love, and so there would only be one ending if they stayed together. It wasn’t quite a declaration of love, but if there was even one atom of meaning in what he was saying now, it was as good as.
‘But yes,’ he added, ‘I would go to those lengths to avoid her.’
In an instant the bubble had burst. Ottilie was dropped back to earth with a thump. A little about her, but mostly about Mila. Just as Josh was her past and would always be a part of her present and future, it seemed that in her own way, Mila would be the same to Heath.
‘I won’t stay tonight if it’s all right with you,’ he said.
‘Sure, whatever.’
There was a beat of silence.
‘You’re upset?’ he asked.
‘What makes you say that?’
‘Because I didn’t want to stay. You sounded upset.’
‘I’m not.’
‘It’s for your sake. I thought because it was Josh’s birthday…’
‘I know.’
‘Do you?’
‘Yes. But you could stay if you wanted to. If that’s the only reason you’re not, then it’s…’
‘I just don’t think it would be a good idea. I think you need some space.’
Ottilie gave a small nod. Perhaps she did need some space, but it still felt a bit too much like a rejection for her to be happy with the arrangement. She couldn’t help but feel as if he wasusing Josh’s birthday as an excuse because he didn’t want to stay over.
‘Will I see you this weekend?’ she asked.
‘I’m sure we’ll do something. We normally do.’
‘OK.’
Ottilie laid her head back on the seat rest and closed her eyes. This new love business was far too confusing at times. Sometimes she longed for the days of settled marriage with Josh, not only because she’d loved him and missed him, but because there’d been none of this uncertainty. She’d known where she was with Josh; she never had to second-guess his motives or forensically examine something he’d said. There was no complicated past, no skeletons waiting to jump out at her. Maybe one day it would be like that with Heath, but that day felt like a long way off right now.
