Page 6 of Petals and Strings
I closed my eyes at the thought, remnants of memories burning through me at such a fast pace it was impossible to grasp a single one. Angry, barking voices, the sting of unwantedinjections, the flush of warmth and clammy skin as I writhed on the ground in pain and desperation.
Hands touching when they had no right.
Spiraling out of control, my choices and safety ripped away over and over again.
Pathetic. Helpless. Vulnerable.
Too small and weak to fight.
“Ansel.” Theo’s voice was a steady harbor in the storm. He urged me back to reality in the quiet way he did when these moments struck.
I was grateful they let me take off the bracelet. That they didn’t calm me with drugs anymore.
“There you are,” he said as I opened my eyes, breathing hard and clinging to my door frame with all my might. Panic clawed its way up my chest and dug into my throat, making it hard to breathe.
I raised a shaking hand and pointed at the formerly-empty room next door. I hadn’t spoken in years despite the annoyance of most of the staff.
Theo, he didn’t press me. At this point, he could read my expressions easily.
He wasn’t as easy to read. His face always had a kind smile, but the way he spoke to the others told me it was a lie. It was practiced. Wrong. As if he was putting on a show at all times.
“Another omega like you,” he answered with a placating smile. “She’s been through a lot. She could use friendly faces when she’s up again.”
There was a familiar sadness in his expression, one I saw when he spoke to us, heard our stories. It was more empathy than pity, which was one of the only reasons I ever spoke to him.
Though, even then, it wasn’t often. Just when they wouldn’t give up and let me stay invisible among our group.
Despite Caspian, Ledger, Kane, Rydell, and I being in this wing for several years together, we knew little about each other. Snippets of stories forced out through gritted jaws and only under the pressure the staff put on us.
The one empty spot seemed to be a revolving door. Betas and alphas coming in and quickly getting shuffled around or disappearing with no explanation.
“She didn’t come in easily,” he said, more of a warning than anything. “Fought the cops and was sedated. She may wake up confused and ready for a fight, so we have Terrance and Luke out here just in case.”
It was more than he should have said but he knew I wouldn’t willingly share that information. I didn’t even speak to alphas unless I had to.
I nodded that I understood and waited for Theo to walk away.
When he didn’t, I let out a sigh.
“You didn’t show up to dinner, Ansel. You know that’s against our rules. Meds and meals on time, every time.”
Of course. We were just zombies, right? Obedient things kept docile with sedatives and enough drugs to tranquilize a fucking bear.
The dining hall was my own personal hell. Full of so many scents and so much fucking anger.
The alphas were just as broken, but half were feral with grief and indignation, their energy filling the space to the point of suffocation.
The betas here barely had any sort of calming energy to bring down the intensity, either.
I shook my head. He pressed his lips together. A sign he was past gentle and moving into frustrated by me. It never took long.
“They can’t hurt you here, Ansel. You’re safe within these walls.”
Sure, as long as we took our meds and played the part of good little patients. We had no choice on the meds Doctor Malik gave us. He would change them, shift doses, put his hands on me when I didn’t fucking ask him to.
There was nothing I could do to stop it. It was just another fresh form of hell.
And if we didn’t comply, it wasn’t without consequence.
