Page 26 of Petals and Strings
But I had to find my own peace first.
Until then, I would be fighting to find myself again.
Chapter Ten
Caspian
Dr. Malik’s dark eyes studied me. I always felt small and unsure when he stayed silent like this. Like he was waiting and watching for me to fall apart so he could try something new.
He’d done that before. Shoved new meds at me that left me twisted in knots and sick for weeks. Some took my feelings away completely, hid my memories from me. Others simply made those emotions stronger until I was drowning helplessly.
A time or two they did nothing, but I felt angrier, stronger, ready to tear apart the world with a drop of a hat.
Then the moment I acted out, threw my tray across the dining hall or flipped a table, I was knocked out and woke up with a new set of pills.
The issue was that medicine wouldn’t bring them back to me.
“Your sister will be calling soon, so it won’t be long,” he said in that monotone voice of his. “How are you feeling, today?”
“Same as usual.”
“No nausea? Anger? Twitching or shaking muscles?” He listed off a host of side-effects, most of which I was too numb to notice.
His frown deepened when I shook my head. He looked genuinely surprised and a little disappointed.
Did he want me to suffer?
Before I could go down a whole rabbit hole of paranoia, which was probably another side-effect, he waved his hand to dismiss me. “You can go. Director Cross should be waiting up front in his office.”
The director always talked to my sister first, updating her on my progress. I wondered what they spoke about. I didn’t feel like I was an exciting patient in the least. Half the time I stayed locked away in my head. Mostly by choice and self-preservation.
Today, though, my mind was active. My alpha seemed almost restless but I couldn’t figure out why or what had changed. He was usually silent, he’d retreated when we lost Tatum and Lilly. I’d barely been an alpha since. He’d left me docile, both of us too traumatized to function.
Until now, apparently. It felt like he was stumbling out of the shadows and starting to pay attention.
But, why?
A flash of Audrey’s face hit me and I blinked, stunned. I hadn’t thought of another omega since Tatum died.
I scented Audrey when she arrived, of course. She seemed kind enough, her scent a soothing mix of floral and clean spice with an undercurrent of omega sweetness.
It was nothing like Tatum’s. My omega was all sugary sweetness and easy smiles.
Audrey was new, but was she really the reason my alpha was perking up, or was it simply a coincidence?
If we were scent-matches, I’d have more of a reaction.
I didn’t have time to think on it as I was ushered out of the infirmary and walked toward the lobby.
“Come in,” Director Cross called out the moment I knocked. I pushed the door open to greet his smiling face. He gestured for the chair in front of his desk. “He’s here, Sarah. Let me hand the phone over. It was a pleasure talking to you again.”
Strange. They sounded like friends.
Then again, they talked every week for years now. How had I not noticed just how easy their conversations came?
How much else had I missed?
My fingers wrapped around the receiver. It was smooth and cool, grounding me as I pressed it to my ear.
