Page 85 of Petals and Strings
“Are you remembering more?” Curiosity won out and the words slipped free before I could filter them. Maybe I was tired. “Sorry, ignore that. It’s intrusive.”
“No, you’re pack,” he said gently, his hand reaching out then stopping right over my arm before he retreated it. They were so careful with me. That was another reason my omega accepted them. We knew they wouldn’t cross any lines we didn’t want them to.
“I’m curious as well,” Caspian offered, giving me a wink.
“That woman I painted, I’ve been getting memories of her again. Small pieces of me making her tea. A house that she decorated, wood tones and ivories. Classy and a bit more cold than I prefer.”
“Do you feel them through the bond?” I asked. He sighed, shaking his head.
“Not anymore. At first it was… agony. My mind locked it all down I think to protect me. At least that’s what the doctors said before I was sent here. Apparently, the former pack paid for a few weeks then the state took over or something. I guess they thought I should just move on after a few weeks.”
“I wonder how she survived it,” I said. “It was agonizing for me.”
He sighed. “I don’t know. Part of me hates her and wants to think she suffered. The other part doesn’t want to be on her level.”
“That’s because you’re a good person. You never deserved that, Kane.”
“What if I did?” he asked, voice cracking as more of his fears shined through. “What if I did something to deserve this exile?”
“Then you’d be in jail, not here,” Caspian said, reaching out and giving his hand a squeeze. I liked that for an alpha, Ledger and Caspian both weren’t afraid to be touchy and be gentle.
At least with us.
Well… the rest of our pack.
Pack. Something I never thought I’d have. But as long as I got to keep Audrey, and it was just the group we’d formed here, I was fine.
I hoped.
“That fear has made it really hard to dive deeper into my memories. To face ‘reality’ like they want,” he admitted.
Secrets were a lot easier to share in the early morning darkness. Here, it was just us and hushed voices, no professionals to stop us from speaking our darkest fears or hold them against us.
“I was afraid to talk because every whimper and plea was used to taunt me, to make my scent swell further. They turned me into a weapon.”
“We won’t let anyone do that,” Caspian promised. He ran a hand through his long, blond hair, his honey brown eyes burning with promise. In another life, I’d like to think I’d find an alpha like him. But the truth is, even without the fear, I didn’t want alphas or knots. Anything that biology demanded.
Audrey was all I wanted. She was perfect and made me feel precious and cared for. Gave me a confidence I didn’t know was possible.
"I want to leave here. To see my sister again. But I don’t want to walk away from the rest of you. Having you guys around, even when I was so lost in my head, made me feel like I had a tether. With Audrey here, and our pack forming this initial bond… I can’t lose that. But it fucking terrifies me.”
“Same,” Kane agreed with a dark laugh. “I’m also scared when I do figure out what happened… that it will be too much for you to keep me, too.”
“That will never happen,” Audrey chimed in. Her voice was rough with sleep. She stumbled over, dropping her sleepy self right in Kane’s lap. “I’ve decided I’m keeping all of you, nothing is going to change that.”
“The only way out of here is to prove that we’re ready,” Caspian said. “I’m working on getting there.”
“It’s not something we all have to do at the same rate. Not like they’re ready to just throw us out,” Audrey said. “We just have to try. I want a life again. A real one. There are so manyplaces I’ve never been, things I haven’t done. It’s so stupid, but you know what I want to do first once we’re settled?”
“Tell us,” I urged. Hearing her paint this dream was everything. Her face was unguarded and happy, her laughter coming easier. She was always beautiful, but now she was breathtaking.
“See the ocean,” she mused. “And maybe get a cocktail. I’ve never had one.”
“I want to go to a zoo,” I said. “My family went one time and all I wanted to see was the elephants. That meant my siblings made sure I didn’t.”
“We’ll find your elephants,” Kane said with a grin. “And I’d like to see the snakes. I always found them fascinating.”
“I always promised Lilly I’d take her to see the boats launch. She was a beach girl, too,” he said, giving Audrey a smile. The fact he could talk about her like that was incredible. Especially in such a short time.
