Page 65 of Petals and Strings
“They took me the night after I visited the clinic. I was lost and confused. I’d confided in him that the meds weren’t working for my scent or hormones. I went to bed that night, though Idon’t even remember going back to my room. When I woke up, I was shackled. I’d barely opened my eyes when I was thrown in the outer ring of this fighting arena.”
“That’s fucked up,” I whispered into him, squeezing him tighter yet.
“It was a terrifying building. The floor was cement, old rust colored blood and grime etched into them. Scents were mixed together to the point of being suffocating. I could barely breathe.”
He shuddered, but my strong, little omega continued on.
“There were metal wire fences running around the crowd, cutting me off from them. Then another one on the opposite side for the fights. I was sandwiched between the two, they couldn’t quite reach me but they fucking tried. I could feel them getting close to me, my omega recoiling each time.”
“I know that feeling,” I whispered. He met my gaze, a sad smile on his face.
“I hate that you understand. At the same time, it feels less isolating,” he admitted.
“That’s how I feel, too,” I reassured him before he could feel guilty.
“That first shot was pure hell. It was like fire in my veins as it coursed through me, my scent even overwhelming to me, I couldn’t imagine how it felt to the alphas around me.”
“That sounds like the heat drugs they gave me. I can still feel that,” I said as I nuzzled my cheek against him, scent marking him and settling us both.
“I’ve never had a heat,” he admitted. “The doctors thought something was wrong with my hormones, or with me.”
“There’s nothing fucking wrong with you, Ansel. Just like there’s nothing wrong with my body when I didn’t get pregnant during any of those failed bonds. Omegas need to feel safeand secure sometimes to function properly. I think that’s what happened to both of us.”
His brows furrowed as he let that sink in. “But how could our bodies fight those drugs? They’re designed to affect our biology.”
“My omega retreated,” I explained. “I think that’s part of it. Kind of like when late-bloomers are dormant for longer. Their designation remains hidden and along with that, all the things the designations bring. Do you feel yours?”
He let out a startled laugh. “Not really. I never considered that. When everyone reacted so badly, I kind of pushed him away.”
“That makes sense. Maybe over time he’ll come back.”
“Maybe,” he said, considering it. “I’ve been afraid to let him have space. What if I go into heat?”
“If you did, I’d help,” I told him.
“I’m too much for one person,” he admitted. “Truthfully, I don’t even want one. If I could have my omega and not have a heat, that’s the path I’d choose. I don’t want to feel like I’m half a person, but I don’t think I could handle that.”
“What about my heats? How would that look if we became a pack?” I asked gently. “The alphas would be there.”
“I’d like to be around,” he said. I appreciated that he was thinking it over, considering it, instead of hiding from reality. “I could help keep you guys fed, hydrated. Maybe have some time with you while they rest or eat. I don’t have a knot but I’d like to still be with you in some ways.”
“That sounds nice,” I agreed, sharing a smile with my omega. This was big. He was starting to trust our pack.
He sighed, his smile falling. “I’m sorry I make it difficult. It’s just…”
“We aren’t broken or wrong, Ansel. We survived in the only way we knew how. Our omegas kept parts of us safe, parts they couldn't ruin. It might take work, but we’ll figure it out.”
His eyes widened as the words sank in. It was like that moment he gave me control, letting a new part of himself free that they couldn’t take away or ruin. He was accepting that sometimes our trauma breaks us, but not forever.
That we could heal.
If this fucking place lets us.
“You’re better for therapy than all the therapists I’ve seen here,” he said as he gently ran a hand down my face, smiling down at me like I was his entire world.
It was new and strange, but not as unwelcome as I expected. I liked that he saw me as something precious and strong. That I could ground him in the same ways he did for me.
He finally broke our moment and continued, as if the need to get his story was too strong to stay silent.
