Page 28 of Petals and Strings
Did he even belong here?
Another thing I hadn’t put much thought into.
“You good today, bro?” Ledger asked, peeking over at me before closing his eyes again. I was staring, couldn’t blame him for asking.
“Just… thinking I’ve missed out on a lot of things,” I admitted. He hummed as he nodded.
“You’ve been out of it for a long time. Malik change your meds again?”
“Not this time. I think I’ve just gotten used to them. Only took a month this time,” I groaned, leaning back as well to soak in some sun.
"Let’s hope it stays that way. It’s nice to have you around,” he said. Theo huffed out a breath of annoyance that had us facing forward again.
He was staring down at his watch and frowning. I turned to the door, wondering where Audrey was. Theo didn’t like lateness.
She came rushing out about two minutes later, face red and out of breath.
“You’re late, Miss Walker.” Theo’s words were harsh and she winced.
“I apologize. The office was empty and I didn’t get the memo we were out here.”
“Did you not see the notice in the hallandoutside the therapy offices?” he intoned, raising a dark eyebrow.
Was he always this harsh with her?
“No. Sorry,” she said again as she sat down between Ledger and Kane. She looked frustrated, her pretty face hard as if bracing herself for more of his frustration.
“If it happens again, there will be consequences.” He glanced down at the bracelet she wore pointedly before shifting his attention back to his notes.
His entire demeanor changed as he started the session. It was always a monologue from him first that I tuned out. Today I tried to follow, though it was more a ramble than anything.
“It’s important that we face our past. It defines us and gives us the foundation to our future. That starts inside. Coming to terms with everything you’ve faced and accepting it comes first.” He tapped his chest for emphasis. He was in full performative mode now.
This was why I tuned him out. Theo always acted like it was our fault we were still here. That we were just being stubborn when we didn’t share or were too lost in our fractured minds to participate.
Not one of us would choose this fucking life.
A soft huff of a laugh came from Audrey, but thankfully, Theo didn’t hear it. Ledger bumped his knee to hers in warning and she snapped her mouth shut, face reddening like she didn’t mean for it to come out.
“Now. I need you to start sharing, or this won’t ever work. You’ve given me so little over the years, and you won’t overcome anything if you can’t speak it into existence.”
“What are you wanting us to say?” I asked. It wasn’t rude, simply curious.
“Anything you’re willing to give,” he said, stunned that I was the one who asked. I was starting to despise that reaction.
“I had a phone call with my sister before this,” I said, staring down at the worn blanket beneath me, picking at the fuzz dotting the surface. “She sounded so relieved to hear me talking back. It made me realize how much I’m hurting her when I lose myself like I do. It’s not even intentional. I can’t seem to fight my way out of my head most days and I can’t remember having a day like this in a long time. It’s like I’m constantly fighting through a fog to get my bearings, and many times that doesn’t come at all.”
“The medicine, though necessary, can have that effect,” Theo agreed gently. “But it’s important to not take the blame for your absence and try to keep working through the pain. The medicine isn’t the only tool we want you guys to have.”
Theo tried to steer the conversation to the others but not one of them volunteered a thing. I watched our therapist’s neck muscles strain as he glared out at us, daring us to keep silent.
At the end of our time the others stood, Ledger helping me to my feet. “You joining us for dinner tonight?”
“Yes,” I said as my stomach rumbled. “Hopefully, it’s something decent.”
“I checked the menu. It’s pasta night,” Audrey said. Her voice was raspy, in this sexy way and I felt my alpha perk up again. He was definitely interested.
It was strange to realize how suppressed he was until now. Like he was trying his best to surge forward but couldn’t fight the barrier he put up, any more than I could fight the brain fog.
