Page 73 of Maverick
I hold on to her until her breathing becomes steady. Until I start to doze off.
And when I open my eyes again, the light has begun to stream through the window. Early morning dawn. We fell asleep at… It must’ve been 6 o’clock. And we slept the whole night through.
And all I know is that last night changed everything.
I don’t want to change it back.
I get up and go make coffee, and bring it back upstairs. Right about then, she’s beginning to stir.
“Good morning,” I say.
“Oh.” It takes a moment to realize where she is, and I see the exact moment she realizes we must have slept together all night.
“I have something to tell you,” I say.
“Oh?”
“The pipe came. A little while ago. I didn’t tell you.”
She blinks. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because I didn’t want you to leave my house. I want you to stay with me.”
“Oh. Do you want…”
“I want you to stay with me for the rest of this time. Okay? And then… I want you to come to the championship. I’ll buy you a seat in one of the suites. I want you to come watch me.”
“Maverick…” Her smile is electric. But I love it. I lean in and kiss her just so I can taste it.
“It’ll be perfect,” I say.
“Will it?”
“Yeah. It will be.”
The perfect end to this, I guess. And yet again, when I imagine winning that championship, I have no idea what’s on the other side. But I know that right now I have her.
And that’s enough.
Chapter Fourteen
Stella
Things change after that day. I spend the night in his bed every night. And I’m not sure what it means. I don’t want to make it mean anything, but it’s harder and harder to think that it doesn’t.
I’ve been trying not to be ridiculous about it. I’ve been trying not to attribute too much meaning to anything that’s just a man enjoying having available sex. Because of course it’s entirely possible that’s all it is. That’s all I am.
But it doesn’t feel like that when we’re together. It doesn’t feel like that when we have coffee together in the morning, or when we go to bed together at night. That’s a big one. Actually sleeping with him. Sharing the bed, the room that he used to share with her. Maybe I shouldn’t feel special, but I do.
Maybe it shouldn’t feel significant, but it does.
I’m tired of gaslighting myself about it.
I keep telling myself that I only feel these things because he’s my first sexual partner. But there are other reasons that I feel them. They have to do with him. They have to do withthe way that he’s treated me. I haven’t arrived at these feelings, this conclusion, in a vacuum. On top of that, everything is going amazingly with Frank. I’m ready to register for my first event with him. Though the deadline is after the championship, and I’m kind of thinking I should wait until then. I’m thinking… I’m thinking a lot of things, honestly. And if I try to articulate them, I think I might freak myself out.
The reality is, it’s hard for me to think ahead to the end of our time together. Hard for me to think about still working with Frank when I’m not with Maverick.
I don’t want to imagine a time when I’m not with him.
