Page 49 of Maverick
I’m a fool, apparently. Not a huge surprise.
But you would think there’d be some perk to being the thirty-five-year-old here. I’m not feeling it.
She’s the one who kisses me. Slow and exploring. I should push her away. I don’t. Instead, I pull her close. Kiss her. And kiss her. Like I have nothing else to do, nowhere else to be. Ipull her onto my lap, taking the kiss deeper, pushing my fingers through her hair. I can’t remember the last time I just made out with somebody. Maybe when I was sixteen? It’s been a long time. Just kissing for the sake of it. Learning the shape of her mouth. Tasting her. Swallowing down her cries of pleasure. She arches her back against me, and I push my hand up underneath her top. The thrill of getting to second base grabbing hold of me. I’m not even sure I know who I am. I feel like a young idiot. I certainly don’t feel seasoned or experienced. I don’t feel bleak and wounded, and I’m comfortable with bleak and wounded. I’m not comfortable with this. The sharp thrill of desire that rocks me as I continue to kiss her.
The deep desire that overtakes me as I rub my thumb over her nipple, pinch her lightly. She wiggles against me, moves so that she’s straddling me. I take her top off, I can’t help it. I hold onto her face as I kiss her, and she rolls her hips against me. Panting as she rubs herself on me, chasing release even with those pajama pants on. I move my fingers through her hair, kiss her neck, kiss her down to her breasts, where I suck one nipple deep into my mouth. My whole world is reduced to this.
The feel of her body on mine, those soft breasts under my lips, the panting sounds she’s making as she continues to ride me, rolling her hips toward the peak of pleasure. If there was anything else before this, I don’t remember it now. If there’s going to be something else after this, I don’t particularly care. What I want is her. What I want is this. Everything, all of it. All the time.
The movie is still on, but neither of us are watching it. There’s no condom here, and I’m not in a rush to go get one. I just want to play with her. To explore her body.
And so I do. I tease her, pinch her, and she arches her hips forward, shuddering hard. I slide her off my lap, onto the floor,taking her pajama pants off as I move between her legs and start to devour her.
I hold her down there on the floor as I lick that slick crease of hers, take my time learning the shape of her. The flavor.
I’m fascinated by her lips. Whether they be above or below. And learning the shape of a new partner is a joy I have been deprived of for a very long time.
So I indulge myself. Until she’s begging me to stop. Until I’m so hard it hurts. I move my hand into my sweatpants, taking care of myself while I keep on pleasuring her. I come on a hot rush, just as she does again, and then I press my forehead against the carpet. I’m dizzy. I really can’t remember the last time I did that. Got myself off in a rush instead of going all the way with my partner.
I mean, I’ve done it by myself plenty of times in the last few years. I’m a hand job king, much to my chagrin.
But this…
It doesn’t feel innocent. Doesn’t feel like youthful games. It should. Instead, it feels like something sharper. More intense. That we couldn’t even be bothered to get a condom.
She just lies there on the carpet, unmoving. I pick her up and put her back on the couch. Wrap her back up in that blanket. That movie is still playing. I’ve lost the plot completely.
I’ve lost the plot completely.
That phrase plays itself over and over in my mind until the credits roll.
Chapter Ten
Stella
When I wake up, I’m on the couch. I can feel my pajama pants down at my ankles. I’ve got a blanket over the top of me. I sit up in a rush, clutching the blanket to my chest. Maverick.
Last night we… We had sex twice. And then whatever all that was in front of the movie. I can feel my face getting hot as I reach down to grab my pajama pants and pull them back into place. I didn’t even bother to get dressed afterward, and he didn’t dress me. He also left me down here on the couch. He’s nowhere to be found. It’s early yet, the sky still gray outside. And I sit there for a moment in the silence.
I can’t decide if I feel calm and peaceful, or if I feel like…
My head is spinning. That much I do know.
We were feral last night. I remember the way he pushed me off the couch, pulled my pants down, and ate me.
I know he stroked himself off while he did it, but I wish that I could’ve done it.
I put my hands over my face and make a short scream.
This is just wild.
And it’s not what I’m here for. I’m not here to lose myself in this. He made it so clear that he can’t be in a relationship, and I sure as hell can’t.
I don’t even know who I am. I feel like my life is broken into pieces. I used to be a dressage champion. Then, for a minute, I was a barrel racing champ. Now I’m nothing, back to trying to find my way. Harmony is getting married and I am…
Exploring sex for the first time.
In every way, I’m in my sister’s shadow. Riding her coattails, and I’m not even taking them to glory. I’m just sort of ridiculous.
