Page 44 of Maverick
“Little girl, why do you think I ended up in the poker game? Do you think it was an accident?”
“I…”
“And I had to win it.”
“You didn’t have sex with me.”
“No. I didn’t. I would never have taken you that way. Under those conditions. I wanted to. But I wasn’t going to.”
That makes me feel special, not rejected. It makes me feel like there’s something magic to this, instead of like I was a bratty kid that he had to deal with.
“So you wanted me.”
“Yes. And if either of those assholes had won, I would’ve beaten the hell out of them. I never would’ve let them leave with you.”
I blink. “But that doesn’t make sense. Because you weren’t going to have me.”
“I think, unfortunately, we’ve been barreling toward this moment for a while. I should never have invited you to come back here. Because I did know that we had chemistry, and Iknew there was a strong chance it would end up this way. I just pushed that aside. I was trying to pretend that it wouldn’t happen. Trying to figure out a way to make it so I can have what I wanted. Without acknowledging that’s what I was doing. Or maybe I just wanted to keep you close so that nobody else could claim you. Hell, here we are.”
“Yes,” I say. “So… What if you don’t want me to ride Frank after this? Should I leave?”
“Yeah,” he says. “Bottom line, you’re here for Frank. If you’re here for the next couple of months, then I figure it’ll make sense for you and me to burn through the rest of that box.”
“But if Frank and I don’t jibe, then I should go?”
I see him hesitate. He won’t admit that he wants me to stay. For the sake of it, I realize. And he might not even be honest about whether or not he thinks I’m a good fit for Frank, because he might be tempted to use it to either keep me or get rid of me, depending on how he’s feeling in the moment. I reach my hand across the table, and I put it over his.
“Don’t lie to me about the horse. Whatever happens in your brain for the rest of tonight, don’t lie to me about the horse tomorrow. If you think I’m a good fit for him, then you keep me here, regardless of whether you think it’s going to be a fucking mess. It might be. But if I’m the right rider for the horse, you owe that to him. To me.”
I don’t say that he owes it to his wife. That, as a woman who was just in his bed, I feel is a bridge too far. But I know that he feels it implied.
“And if you want to keep me here for sex, but you don’t think I should ride that horse, then you need to be honest about that too,” I say. “I don’t know if I’ll stay under those circumstances, but I might. Just… We have to have honor somewhere, okay?”
He nods slowly. “You have my word on that.”
I move my hand away from his. I want to kiss him. I want to stay the night. I want to do something to fix what feels a little bit broken.
I don’t know if it’s him or me or this thing between us.
I also know that I can’t. I need to let them go. I need to get some distance. He needed it tonight, and now I understand why. It makes perfect sense, and I don’t begrudge him that distance, not now that I know. Which is maybe unfair. I probably should’ve respected it at the time. But I would rather understand than not understand. I would rather have found some kind of tentative understanding than not.
“I’ll go,” I say, getting up from the chair and going to dump my tea in the sink.
“Good night,” he says, not standing.
I scrunch up my face. “I still don’t have water.”
“Lord Almighty,” he says. “Okay. I’ll go back with you.”
This is absurd. But I find myself getting back into my truck and driving to the house, Maverick behind me in his truck, shirtless, as it happens.
That’s how we find ourselves back in my room. I’m standing in the doorway, my arms crossed. He’s cursing a blue streak and climbing into the attic.
“I don’t think you should do that shirtless,” I say.
“Too fucking late.” Or at least that’s what I think he says as he disappears up into the crawlspace. “Fucking rats. Fucking fuck.”
He’s cursing and thumping around overhead. I feel nervous and horror-stricken as he bumps around up there.
