Page 35 of Maverick
Because I couldn’t see his eyes. I wonder if it was by design. Then I see his eyes drop. Oh. He definitely sees my nipples now.
His eyes rise up and meet mine. And right then, I see it. Something like regret. His jaw is held tight, his teeth clenched together, and the regret is like a deep sorrow. But then, just as quickly as I see it, just as quickly as I feel it resonating in my body, it goes away. Replaced entirely by that intensity. He reaches out, grips my chin between his thumb and forefinger. “You can tell me if all you want is for me to fix that pipe.” His eyes go past me, to the box of condoms. We both know why it’s there.
“That’s not all I want,” I say, the words thin, my chest frozen with a breath building at the center that I can’t quite take.
A low growl rumbles in his chest, and he releases his hold on my chin, moving his hand to the back of my head and bringing me in hard. The kiss is almost punishing. And I accept it. It’s nothing like the kiss I shared with that guy in the stables at my parents’ place. That impulsive, driving curiosity that made me lean in when I should have just walked away.
This has nothing to do with curiosity. Nothing to do with discovery, or the gaining of sexual experience. It’s not about the things that normally push me into new situations. The discovery, the thrill. It’s about him.
About the undeniable chemistry that’s been building between us. Chemistry that I didn’t recognize as something specific until this moment. But it is.
It is, we are. He is. Everything.
His mouth is hot and firm, the whiskers on his face rough as he opens his lips and slides his tongue against mine. I whimper, arching against him, feeling my desire go from theoretical to radical with just one slick pass of his tongue over mine.
He releases his hold on my head, his hands moving to grip my waist, fingers digging into my skin as he holds me hard. He’s kissing me, but our bodies are pressed together. He’s keeping just a little bit of distance between us, his mouth making magic over mine.
I’m dizzy with it. Undone.
It’s like I’m unraveling and being knit back together all at once. His kiss makes me dizzy. Makes me needy. Greedy for more. Then he nips my lower lip, and I gasp.
That little sound seems to bring him back. He moves away from me for just a second, breathing hard.
“You’re working for me.”
“Yeah. Kind of. But I don’t need to. I have a house, I have a place to stay. I could leave tomorrow if I wanted to.”
He nods. “Okay. And you understand that I don’t need to collect that… The bet. This has nothing to do with the bet.”
I nod. “No. I know.”
I wonder if he’s being careful with me because he knows I haven’t done this before. I wish he didn’t know that. I wish that I could play that off. Tell him I was lying. But I probably need him to treat me like a virgin so that he doesn’t absolutely wreck me. But I don’t want to feel like I’m at a disadvantage. Like he’s doing this with training wheels. I don’t want him to go easy on me. Or for this to be some kind of a gift that he’s bestowing on me. A sex lesson.
What I wanted was for some guy to just do it so that I didn’t have to deal with it anymore.
You never just wanted some guy. It was always him. You wanted him to win that game.
I shove that thought to the side. He said it himself. It has nothing to do with that night. Nothing to do with that bet. Maybe it is because he’s just a man, and he saw those condoms, and now he’s turned on.
Maybe because he can justify it, and make it feel like it’s not a morally shady situation, and obviously, in spite of the fact that he likes to play like the villain, he cares about that.
He doesn’t say anything more. So I do.
“I want you.” I lift my hands, push them through his hair.
My hands are shaking, and even bracing myself on him isn’t steadying them.
I can’t believe that I’m touching him like this. He’s so close to me now that beautiful face right there. How could I have ever missed that there was gold in his eyes? I just saw them as dark, like the rest of him. Dark and fathomless. And he is fathomless.But there’s a kaleidoscope of beauty in those eyes, a brilliant universe that I didn’t know was there before.
I trace the line of his cheekbone, down to his jaw, and then to his lips. Then I drag my thumb along the edge of his lower lip. He grabs hold of my arms and pulls me against him, kissing me deep and hard. He growls, his hold almost bruising, and I like it. I wrap my arms around his neck and luxuriate in the feel of him against me. How hard he is. How hot. I would never have thought that all it would take was one day of me living in close proximity for us to do this. But maybe it was inevitable the whole time. He says it has nothing to do with the bet, and I believe that. But maybe he was supposed to win it.
I’m not big on ascribing meaning to my impulsive behavior. But in this instance, I wonder. I wonder if this was where it was always supposed to lead. If there was nothing that could be done to avoid it.
I don’t want to avoid it, anyway.
It’s not fate. It’s the fact that I bought those condoms when I was in the grocery store.
I can accept that.
