Page 79 of Maverick
I appreciate this sweet gesture from my sister, and appreciate the bonding occurring between us even more. We never had the chance to be close when we were kids because our parents were always making us compete, and it just feels…
It feels like it doesn’t matter now.
I don’t need to be better than her to feel okay about myself. We’ve had conversations about all kinds of things, including her weird – and in hindsight problematic – ‘relationships’ with older guys at our barn when we were younger, and how she felt like it made her special and more important to get attention from older men, and how much she needed that because she just didn’t feel special enough otherwise.
It's given me a new perspective on her. Amazing what an actual transparent conversation will do.
That has fortified me. That and the fact that I’m dressed to kill in painted-on jeans and a top that’s so tight I can barely breathe.
Being here is weird. Because I’m doing it to show him something. But whether that’s me being dangerously obsessed with him, brave for not being cowed, or just psychotic, sad, and lost after falling in love for the first time and having it go badly.
Who can say?
I have the suite information on my ticket, but for some reason, I’m just wandering aimlessly around the stands. Which is when I see Dallas and Colt.
It’s like finding two very tall, broad needles in a haystack, and my whole heart feels full. I’ve gotten some brief updates on Colt’s condition from Dallas, and his girlfriend Sarah, but mainly it’s been silence, which is kind of weird all things considered.
But I don’t know how I’d react if I were injured like that. I can’t judge the lack of communication.
And I got all wrapped up in my affair with Maverick.
So wrapped up, I feel strangled by it now.
It’s Sarah who spots me and stands up, waving madly. We haven’t interacted all that much, but she’s sweet and cheerful, and I’m so glad she’s in Dallas’s life. It’s changed him completely to be with her, in all the best ways.
Without overthinking it, I make a beeline for where they are, and I do my best to work up an uncomplicated smile in spite of all my complicated feelings.
“You guys have no idea how weird it is to not have you haunting me all year,” I say.
When I see Colt, my heart clenches tight. He looks good. Really good, all things considered.
Dallas stands and gives me a hug, and Colt does the same, even if he’s moving a little bit more slowly than Dallas.
“You look rough, buddy,” I say, moving to hug him. “I love you anyway, though.”
My throat gets tight, and I’m horrified. If there are two people who would hate me hooking up with Maverick even more than I do right now, it would be them. I can’t show them my distress for that reason, and anyway, this should be about Colt being here, looking good, being upright.
Colt grimaces. “Thanks.”
“I didn’t expect you here.”
“I didn’t expectyouhere,” he says.
I feel my stupid face go all hot. It’s always doing that and betraying me.
“Oh,” he says, understanding I don’t want to see dawning on his face. “You’re here with someone. Or for someone.”
I clear my throat and try to look casual. “Not really.”
“I don’t believe that,” Dallas says.
Sarah is looking back and forth between me and Colt.
“Are you on a date with Alexandra Bella?” Colt asks.
An image of the beautiful rodeo queen pops into my head. I’m flattered he thinks that, really. Lord, if that’s not a commentary on sexuality, what else could be? If I could choose Alexandra, I sure as hell wouldn’t be dealing with Maverick and his male bullshit.
I laugh at that thought. “I almost wish, Colt. She seems like a good time.”
