Page 21 of Maverick
“I’m not feeling very record-breaking today.”
“But you’re doing it anyway.”
“I’m not a coward.” Then I do turn to face him. “What about you?” I already know his position is all but secured. Especially since Colt’s accident. I don’t say that, though. I have a feeling it would annoy him, and I don’t want to engage him in banter, actually. To the best of my ability.
“Well, that speaks highly of you. That you’re still going even though you don’t think you’ll make it to the finals.” He shrugs. “As for me? If I end up in the top five scores tonight I’m good. So, short of an incomplete ride, which can happen, I’m going forward.”
That was the thing about bull riding. Well, it was the thing about all of these sports. There were those variables that you couldn’t count on. That had little to do with skill, and everything to do with split-second decisions made in moments.
Everything to do with whether or not the animal behaved itself, and often it wasn’t going to. That was just the nature of the beast. And of the business.
“And what happens if you win?” I ask.
“Then I win,” he says.
“Are you going to keep riding even if you win?”
He shrugs. “I don’t know.”
“It must bother you. Colt and Dallas being out.”
There. I went and mentioned them. I couldn’t help it in the end. Maybe I do want to poke him. In spite of myself. Maybe I’m looking for that dopamine hit that comes from my interactions with him.
Dammit.
“A win is a win. Just like getting your ass dragged through the arena is a loss. He fell off the bull. So, I’m still the best.”
I feel my face contort in horror. “That is a horrible perspective.”
“I’m kind of horrible. Or did you miss that?”
It was true. Even as he was honorable in a strange way that night he didn’t claim my virginity, he was mean about it. He doesn’t try to soften things. He doesn’t try to make me feel better. Regardless of what’s going on.
“Why?”
He laughs. “Are you looking for deep insight? There is none. I just suck. And I don’t care. I don’t care if you think I do. I don’t care if anyone thinks I do.”
“You’re like a reality TV show villain.”
“I like to think that I’m a little bit better than that. Or a little bit worse, pick your perspective.”
“Well, you don’t get to control what others think about you. Or who they compare you to.”
“True. I guess somehow, I’ll live.”
“Well. I have to get ready.”
“I look forward to your ride.”
I can’t tell if he means it or not. But before I start the event, I do see him. Standing in the back of the chutes. Looking.
He watches. And I do get a good time, but I don’t break any records, and it puts me just out of placement for the championship. It’s so competitive that any mistakes make it difficult to progress. I shouldn’t feel sick about it. It just feels like going backward. I won last year, and this year I’m not even going. It feels stupid.
I lead Cloud Dancing out toward the stables, and I look up because I can feel him watching me. I know it’s him. Without him even speaking. He doesn’t say anything, but he touches the brim of his hat. I take it as a sign of respect, and I’m not sure why he bothers. But I also know that I’ll be watching his ride tonight.
In contrast to me, his ride is amazing. Perfect. He doesn’t just complete it, he gets the top score of the night again. He really is having a winning season, and I bet if Colt hadn’t gotten injured, Maverick still would’ve won. It’s just like that for him this year. I think it’s his year. But I don’t want to say that to him, especially not after earlier today.
I feel like crap, and one of the other barrel racers who did not win anything grabs my arm, leaving a trail of glitter behind as she gazes up at me excitedly. “Let’s go out. The Cowboys said they’re all going over to the Prickly Cactus. I mapped it, it’s only like an eighth of a mile, we can walk.”
