Page 27 of Nico
"Things have changed."
Her heart felt heavy, the beats thudding slowly. "They have. You're now a dad."
"I'm going to have to give her my attention."
She lifted her chin. "Why don't you come right out and say it? I'm a big girl and I can take it."
"I cannot ask you to be part of the... situation."
"No."
His heart shifted and clutched. "So, I think it's best if we take a step back."
So, this was what heartbreak felt like, she thought dully. Outwardly she hoped desperately that she was serene and calm.
"All the way back." She forced a smile to her lips. "You have a daughter to take care of and no time for a relationship. I get it. She comes first."
"Sadie, I don't want..."
She shook her head and realized that she was going to have to get rid of him and fast. She could not stand being in the same space with him.
"It's better that way."
He felt the clutch to his heart. He would not beg. She was right of course. He could not ask her to put her life on hold for him. Neither could he ask her to play mother to his little girl. She had an upheaval in her life and was going to need plenty of reassurances.
His work was demanding and added to it, he was now a father. He had to put his desires on hold. Gracie deserved that much.But oh Hell, it hurt so much! He felt as if his heart was being ripped to shreds.
"Maybe we could..." His voice stuttered to a stop when she rose, a resolute expression on her face.
"You should go." Without looking at him, she swept towards the doorway, leaving him no other choice but to follow her. When he reached her, she had the door open.
"Sadie..."
"No." She shook her head and handed him his coat.
"Dammit!" His temper exploded. Dragging the jacket from her, he tossed it to the floor and hauled her into his arms. "I don't want this..." his mouth crushed hers, the kiss bruising. She shoved at him, but he would not budge. Shoving the door shut, he clamped his hands on either side of her face and drove his tongue into her mouth. He was hurting her, but for the first time since they had been seeing each other, he wanted to do exactlythat. She was shutting him out, pretending there was nothing between them. He would show her. Goddammit, he would show her.
Her legs went weak, her arms falling to her side in helpless surrender. Tears burned the back of her eyes and heat exploded inside her. Lifting her arms, she dug restless fingers through the thick untidiness of his hair and sagged against him. He felt her surrender and softened the kiss. He inhaled her, her scent surrounded him. Desire poured through his body like liquid lava, swamping him.
One hand wandered down her back to cup her firm bottom. He eased her up and into him, grinding his lower body, deliberately making her feel his arousal.
A sob rose in her throat, rough and aching. She tasted the salt of her own tears on his lips, and, for a moment, she let herself drown in the anguish and longing tangled between them. But as his arms tightened, her heart thudded with the reminder of everything that had changed. She broke the kiss, leaning her forehead against his, both of them breathless and trembling.
"We can't do this," she whispered. The words hurt, splintering through her chest. "No matter how much we want to pretend nothing's different, it is."
He closed his eyes, jaw working as if he could grind down the ache inside him. For a heartbeat, neither moved, locked together in the ruins of something beautiful, now impossible. Finally, he let his hands fall away, the space between them suddenly wide and cold.
"Goodbye, Sadie." His voice was hoarse, ragged with everything he couldn't say.
She nodded, not trusting herself to speak, and watched as he stooped to snatch up his jacket. She didn't follow him to the door. When it clicked softly shut behind him, she pressed her palm to her mouth and let the tears come.
*****
He got drunk. Shit faced, stinking falling down drunk. Another first for him. As soon as he stepped into the pool house, he headed for the liquor cabinet and taking out the Jim Beam, he drank straight from the bottle. Ignoring the burning going down his throat and his empty belly, he drank steadily.
He had always been able to pace himself. And had decided from that one time in college when he was persuaded by a dorm mate to drink on a dare, that he would never leave himself that powerless again.
But this called for it. He had to forget. He must forget her. Even for tonight. He owed himself that much. So, locking the front door to keep intruders out, he went to his room, taking the bottle with him. But the memories haunted him. The taste of her was still on his tongue. The feel of her slender curves imprinted on his body.
