Page 33 of My Alien Bughead
I push her up and off my cock, earning myself a frustrated sigh. “D’Aakh, please, talk to me.”
“I will, I promise but…not like this.” I can barely deal with my guilt as it is. Talking about Mzr with my cock inside another female feels too much like defiling her memory.
“Fine.” Lucía sighs, using her underwear to wipe herself before slipping back into her coveralls, while I do the same. Once we’re somewhat appropriately dressed, she sits down by the wall and pats the spot beside her. “Sit. Talk.”
A smile fleetingly graces my face over Lucía’s inherent bossiness but it’s gone as soon as I’m settled beside her, preparing myself for the upcoming confession. Sigh. Where do I even begin? “We had a medic on our team. Her name was Mzr. She was a Xy, which means that she was—”
“An empath,” Lucía finishes for me. “I’m guessing she was kind and sweet and gentle and everyone loved her, right? Our station doctor and his mate are Xy and they’re the sweetest people I’ve ever met. Most of their race is apparently like that.” I nod in agreement. “That doesn’t make any sense, though,” Lucía continues. “How could a Xy become a Voidstalker? Don’t you…kill people for a living?”
“Weprotectpeople for a living,” I correct her, even though she’s not completely wrong. “Sometimes it involves killing others, but that was not part of Mzr’s role. Her job was to keep everyone alive. For a Xy, she was incredibly stubborn. I think that’s about the only thing you two have in common.”
Lucía chuckles softly. “You haven’t even seen my stubborn side yet. What you saw was just the mild version of me that I show to strangers so as not to scare them off right away.”
“Oh? Throwing wrenches at people’s heads is the mild version of you? Humans are seriously weird,” I tease, loving that she’s trying to cheer me up.
“That we are,” she returns, reaching for my hand and giving it a gentle squeeze. “So, what happened?”
Eyes closed, I rest my head against the wall and let the scene replay for the millionth time since it all happened. “It was a hostage rescue situation. A gene modification station was taken over by anti gene modification fanatics. A simple job, really. Go in, rescue the hostages, neutralize the terrorists. We’ve done it dozens of times before.
“We split up. Mzr was only allowed on scene once it was secured, so I waited with her in the entrance of the facility while the rest of our squad went in ahead. Then, shots were fired nearby. A terrorist we’d missed during the initial perimeter sweep, because the bastard had been sleeping instead of standing guard, shot a terrified scientist he’d found hiding.”
“Mzr rushed over to help the scientist?” Lucía asks quietly.
“Of course she did. It’s who she was. One minute we were standing at the entrance just talking, joking about…” A kiss. I’d been joking about kissing her, praying she’d say yes. “...things. Then the scientist screamed and Mzr just bolted off in that direction, heedless of the danger. I was too slow. Too slow to stop her, too slow to see what was happening, too slow to…” I shudder as the memories flood in, “Anyway, the terrorist shot her before I…”
Tears stream down my face and I wipe them away in a futile attempt to get myself under control. I yank at my other hand, trying to loosen it out of Lucía’s grip, undeserving of the comfort she’s offering me but she doesn’t let go. For a human female, she really is exceptionally strong.
“This wasn’t your fault, D’Aakh,” she whispers.
I snort at her audacity. “Of course it was my fault! It was my job to keep her safe and I let her get shot. That’s not even the worst part. I tried to save her. I scooped her up and ran back toward the ship, knowing that if I could get her into a stasis pod she’d have a good chance at surviving. We’d bring her home and then UGC doctors would fix her right up. Then we got stuck in a malfunctioning airlock.”
“Oh, god.”
“There is no god,” I sneer. “No god would let someone as gentle and caring and pure as Mzr die. I tried to keep her alive, did everything I could think of to stop the bleeding but she just…” Sobs wrack through my chest as I remember her lifeless body laying limp in my arms. Her blood on my hands. Her eyes. “It’s her eyes I remember the most. How that beautiful spark that had always been there just…dimmed.”
Without a word, Lucía pulls me into her arms. Curling in on myself, I cry, finally releasing the pent up pain and anguish that has been eating me up inside. “I didn’t…didn’t even get to tell her… I-I loved her and… I didn’t tell her.”
Lucía holds me securely in her warm embrace. I’m grateful for this moment of silent comfort. Without her arms around me, I think I’d shatter into a million pieces. “She was an empath, D’Aakh,” she says. Lucía’s tone is warm but I hear the hint of tears in her voice. “I’m sure she knew how you felt. I’m also sure she wouldn’t want you to grieve for the rest of your life.”
Probably not. But how do I explain to Lucía that I can’t simply go on with my life? That every time I feel even a sliver of peace, let alone happiness, I feel like I’m betraying Mzr’s memory. “I deserve it,” I grunt.
Lucía smacks me upside my head. “Now you’re being stupid again. You might deserve a kick in the nuts for the way you’ve been acting but not eternal suffering for something that wasn’t even your fault.” She pauses momentarily, gently running herfingers over my smooth head and circling her fingers around the bases of my ahni. “Did you find out what caused the airlock malfunction?”
I growl. “I did. The technician at the facility preferred online gambling to facility maintenance. Plus, he was totally incompetent. It was entirely his fault the airlock doors became stuck when we were inside.”
“Oh, that’s terrible. I hope he got fired.”
“Something like that.” I won’t tell Lucía I found the male later and introduced him to another malfunctioning airlock. This one, unfortunately, opened to the cold vacuum of space. “That’s why I was…skeptical about having you or anyone else on the ship.”
“Uh-huh. Skeptical. That’s one way to say you’ve been acting like a complete asshole. I’m used to people not believing in my skills but they usually change their minds once they see me work. With you…” Her fingers slow their caressing. “You didn’t even give me a chance.”
No, I didn’t. “I don’t doubt your skills. Well, not anymore. I just wanted to do everything myself because then I could be sure it was well done properly and no one would die because of malfunctioning equipment. Also…I was attracted to you.”
“And you felt like you were betraying Mzr,” Lucía continues my unspoken thoughts. She sighs deeply, “I guess I can understand that. Doesn’t mean it was okay, though.”
“No, it doesn’t. I’m really sorry.” I’m even more sorry that I won’t be able to make it up to her in the future. I should help her escape this tunnel, at least.
Extricating myself from Lucía’s arms, I switch my flashlight to a stronger setting and look around. “An old mining shaft?” I guess.
