Page 53 of Slew Foot
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
“I’m going to Anker’s room for a bit!” Tanner called out a little bit later as he left the bathroom and opened the door to the hallway. “Back later.”
“Don’t wake me up,” Mickey called in answer.
The door closed behind Tanner with a click and Rafe let out a big sigh before finally,finallyshifting away.
The movie was over, the TV still on but nothing was playing, leaving the room quiet and still.
Rafe yawned. “I should get out of your hair.”
“You don’thaveto,” Mickey blurted out, because apparently, he liked this torture? Something was deeply wrong with him. He hadn’t realized it until now but clearly it was true. “Unless … if you want to be alone, that’s cool.”
“No.” Rafe rolled onto his side, pillowing his cheek on his bicep and giving Mickey a soft smile. “This is nice. I’ve missed this.”
“Yeah?” Mickey asked, not sure exactly what he meant but unable to look away.
He wanted to reach out and run his hand through Rafe’s thick dark hair. He wanted to slide down and cup his cheek and kiss him all sweet and slow. And then he wanted to roll Rafe onto his back and talk dirty and a little mean to him until he begged to come.
Mickey suppressed a shiver at the thought.
“Yeah. I mean …” A little furrow appeared on Rafe’s brow like he was thinking hard. “My ex and I used to do this all the time.”
“Oh?” Mickey asked, swallowing thickly because had Rafe compared him to his ex-boyfriend?
“Logan and I were such good friends,” he said. “And like, that’s how all of my relationships start cause I’m demi, but?—”
“Ohh,” Mickey said, some pieces clicking into place. “I didn’t realize you were demisexual.”
“Yeah, me either. Not until Zane Murphy talked about it.”
Mickey frowned. He knew the name. Zane Murphy had been one of the first guys in the league to come out. Not the very first—that was a goaltender named Noah Boucher, but Zane had been half of one of the first gay couples to come out. He’d been dating his winger, Ryan Hartinger at the time, and they were now married and had kids.
It was a nice, feel-good story, and they were in the media semi-regularly.
Mickey had a vague recollection of Zane talking about his demisexuality at one point, but it hadn’t registered. Mostlybecause it hadn’t applied to Mickey at all and he’d been playing in the DEL at the time.
“So, he helped you realize that?” Mickey asked.
“Yeah. I mean, I always kinda knew I was different than other guys I played with, but I thought it was because I was gay.”
“Was it hard growing up gay and playing hockey in Canada?”
“Kinda,” Rafe said. “I mostly learned to not talk about it a lot. And then I got drafted by Carolina, so I didn’t talk about it then either. But there were other guys, you know. Guys who didn’t want to talk about it but were definitely into other guys too. And so I—I dunno, we kinda ended up together. Buddies, teammates … you know. I dated a few guys, and we didn’t really tell anyone.”
“Oh,” Mickey said. He got that. Germany was certainly more progressive than the United Sates and even parts of Canada in that way. But hockey was still hockey, and Mickey hadn’t brought any guys he dated around the team in Munich either.
“Did it help? Knowing you were demi?” he asked.
“Sure,” Rafe said. “A lot of stuff made sense after I figured it out. But I was never like …upsetabout it or anything.”
Mickey nodded. “So, you need a connection before you get intimate, right?”
He didn’t even know why he was asking. No good would come of it. But hedidwant to get to know Rafe better.
“Yep.” Rafe smiled. “I still get horny and stuff. I just don’t want to do anything about it with a guy until I feel like I know him well.”
“And earlier when you said this feels like before. When you were with Logan?” Mickey asked tentatively, not sure if he’d gotten that right or not. “Did you mean …?”
