Page 107 of Just Friends
Jax shook his head. “No, wait. That’s not true. Iknewwhat I wanted to say, but the problem was that the truth was buried beneath eighty layers of dead skin, so I didn’t know how to say it or even begin to think it—you know?”
IhopedI knew what he was saying, but I wasn’t going to assume anything—that’s how misunderstandings happen and hearts get broken. “Sorry, no. I don’t know what you’re saying.”
He sighed. “You said that things between us changed because of the kiss.”
“And you seemed to think things didn’t have to change,” I reminded him.
He frowned. “Yeah. I know I said that. But the truth is, we both know it alreadydidchange things. That’s why I’ve been acting weird, especially since last night.”
“Last night?” I asked. All we did last night was watch movies and eat take-out. “What about last night?”
“Well, we agreed to try to go back to normal, right? But thingscan’tgo back to normal. Ever.”
“I’m glad you agree,” I murmured.
And since a relationship was off the table, that didn’t leave us with a whole lot of options moving forward.
“See, that’s what kept me up all night, and that’s why I was quiet all morning. I had all this shit flying around in my head, and all I could think was, ‘Fuck, Idon’twant things to go back to normal.’ ”
Wasthisthe big revelation he needed tell me so badly? Paulina was right yet again—boys were dumb with their emotions. Disappointed, I turned and gazed into the distance. The sun had disappeared from view, though its light still shone on the belly of the wispy, cotton-candy clouds.
He could tell I was mentally checking out. “Wait. There’s more I want to tell you,” he said.
“What?”
“Pipes, when you told me you liked me all along”—he grabbed my hand and squeezed it—“I can’t even tell you how happy that made me. Because I feel the exact same way.”
Certain this was a bad joke, I stared him in the eye, but he looked dead serious.
“Shut up,” I said quietly, skeptically. “You’re just saying that. You don’t mean it.”
“It’s true. I swear it. I’ve liked you since day one,” he said, his voice gentle but serious. “Piper, I’ve had a crush on you since the day we met in New York. It’s never gone away.”
“Then why didn’t yousaythat earlier?” I snatched my hand back from him. “Why didn’t you sayanything at all? You just sat there and stared at me—you made me feel so stupid!”
He hung his head, disappointed at himself. “I’m sorry. I hate that I made you feel that way. It’s not an excuse, but I really didn’t know how to deal with these feelings.”
“Butnow,not even twelve hours later, you suddenly do?”
He nodded. “I do.”
I stifled a disbelieving laugh. “Sorry, but that’s a lot to believe.”
“I know. I don’t blame you for doubting me, but I can explain,” he said. “Earlier, Niko took me to thebanya.” What followed was an account of Jax’s tribulations as he tried to survive the Russian-style sauna. I had no idea where he was going with his story, but it involved Jax sweating out of every pore in his body until he had nothing left, nothing but theTruth,as if he’d reached some sort of heat-induced state of enlightenment. “And I figured it all out, Pipes. I really did.”
“I’m listening,” I said, still skeptical.
“Piper, for five years, you’ve been my best friend in the world. And because of how close we grew, I’ve had to bury my feelings for you way down below”—he pounded his sternum with his fist—“where they wouldn’t get in the way of our friendship. But they never went away. And the closer we grew, the more I liked you. I just couldn’t let either of us know that. To stay friends with you, Ihadto deny those feelings. That’s why it wasn’t easy for me to figure all this out. That’s why I didn’t know what to say to you earlier today.”
He rubbed his big hand across my back, gently drawing circles between my shoulders. He was no Pierre when it came to massage technique, and yet his tender touch was ten times more therapeutic.
“But it all started with that kiss,” he said. He recalled our kiss with a spreading smile. Just the mention of it made my body tingle with a frenetic tension. “That kiss brought all those feelings to the surface. Not all at once, no. But it sure shook ’em all loose so they could float up to the surface. And you felt it, too, Piper. I know you did.”
“I did,” I admitted quietly.
Acknowledging that those feelings existed was a good start—but it wasn’t enough. If Jax had said all this earlier today, right after I’d confessed my heart to him, then maybe I would’ve been swept off my feet. But right now? I needed more. I needed commitment, but I wasn’t even going tothinkof asking him for that. There was no point, because commitment was the one thing Jax was simply not willing to put on the table.
As if he could read my thoughts, he said, “What I’m saying is, Pipes, I think I’m ready for a relationship.”
