Page 8 of Bad Teammate
“Wait, wait! I know you’re busy, but I absolutelyneedyou to let this girl know that she looks gorgeous in her dress.”
Aw,I thought, my hand briefly touching my heart.That’s actually sort of sweet, dear brother.
But then he continued.
“Tell her that she has the fattest pair of tits I have ever seen in my entire life. Let her know that I want to take her to my hotel room, where I’m going to conquer her. But—this is very important—she must leave immediately afterward, because I’ve got a game tomorrow and I can’t sleep with someone else in my bed. Got all that?”
“That’swhy you needed to call me?” I rolled my eyes. “No, Sasha. I won’t translate that for you.”
“Katya.” He gasped, pretending to be hurt again. “You won’t help me just this once? After all I’ve done for you?”
“What have you done for me?”
“Well—I—” He stammered, at a loss for examples. “Well, I sent you money last week, didn’t I?”
“You paid for my services, yes.” He’d needed me to interpret when he found himself at a Porsche dealership. His NHL paycheck was burning a rather large hole in his pocket. “And with my negotiating skill, I saved youdoublethe money you paid me.”
He laughed. “Okay, so bill me for this, too. Please, just this once. Surely, you can help your brother?”
“Iamhelping you, you’re just too drunk to realize it.If I tell her what you want me to say, she willslapyou right across the face.”
He laughed. “No. You’re wrong. You don’t know American women like I do.”
Two whole months in America, and Sasha was suddenly an expert on American culture.
With a sigh, I gave up. “Fine. Give her the phone. Don’t say I didn’t warn you, though.”
I listened to the shuffle as the phone changed hands.
“Hello,” the American girl answered. “Who am I talking to? I hope you speak English, because—”
I interrupted her in English. “I’m Katerina, Aleksander’s sister. And who are you?”
“I’m Lana. We just met. I’msoglad you’re his sister, by the way, because if you were his girlfriend we were gonna have some problems. So what do you do, Katerina?”
“I’m a translator,” I said briskly. I wasn’t in the mood for any more small talk; I badly needed to get back to work. “Which is why we’re talking. My brother wants you to know something.”
I translated Sasha’s crude remarks, not bothering to soften his language about her weighty breasts or his plans for sexual conquest. If the boy wanted to get slapped, why should I stop him? Maybe Lana could knock some sense into him. Maybe she could teach him how to talk to a woman.
Instead of slapping him, though, Lana squealed. “Conquerme?Aleksander! You’re such a savage! You don’t care at all, do you? Ugh, I justloveit when a guy says and does whatever he wants. Fucking kiss me, right now.”
I shouldn’t have been surprised. Two months wasn’t long enough to turn Sasha into an expert on American culture, no—but itwaslong enough for me to forget that my baby brother gets absolutely everything he wants in life, no matter what.
Disturbed by the sloppyslurpingof lips in a drunken embrace, I held my phone at arm’s length.
“Gross. I can hear you two kissing,” I announced, yelling in the direction of my phone. “I’m hanging up now. Bye.”
But Sasha came back on the phone before I could hang up. “See? What did I tell you?American women are amazing, Katya. They’re not all stuffy or stuck-up like Russian women are.”
“Great. I’m very glad you’re enjoying yourself. Good luck in your game tomorrow. Bye, Sasha.”
I almost hung up, but he stopped me once more.
“Wait, Katya! When are you coming tovisit? I can’t wait to show you around Dallas. I have the most amazing roommate in the world. I’m sure he’d let you stay with us, he’s great—”
I cut him off. “I don’t know, Sasha. I’m always so busy. I really have to go now. I’m hanging up, bye!”
I ended the call, but not before I heard him shout, “But youalwayswanted to come toAmerica!”
