Page 83 of Bad Teammate
Streetlamps shone amber light on our paved path. Side by side, we walked deeper into the park. The trees that surrounded us muted the hum of traffic in the distance. The air grew cooler, fresher, and still. There wasn’t a soul in sight.
“Well?” I asked. “You wanted to tell me something, didn’t you?”
He pointed at a park bench up ahead. “Let’s sit.”
I sat, keeping a foot or two between us. Still we sat in silence. Derek seemed to be working up the nerve to say something. He took a deep breath.
“No,” he said at last.
I raised an eyebrow. “No what?”
“You asked if I never wanted to see you again. Well,no, that’s not what I wanted.”
I sighed. “If this is some last-ditch, desperate attempt to arrange a no-strings-attached relationship, I’m not interes—”
He cut me off. “It’s not that. I never wanted to use you like that, okay?”
“Oh? So the night we met, when you kissed me and threw me on your bed, you were merely trying to get to know me better—right?”
“No.” He blew out a heavy breath of shame. “I don’t know what that was.”
“Well, I do. You were trying to get laid. Just like you admitted.”
“It’s more than that, though. Look, I don’t think it’s any secret that I’ve been incredibly attracted to you since I first laid my eyes on you. You’re beautiful, Katerina.”
I was glad it was dark enough that he wouldn’t see the effect his words had on me.
“But it’s not just that. It’s more than your beauty,” he said. “There’s something bigger at work and I don’t know what it is. All I know is, there’s this crazy magneticpullI’ve felt since the moment I met you. I’ve never felt this way with any other girl before.”
I snickered. “Oh, I doubt that.”
“Why?” he asked.
“Because you’ve been with so many women, haven’t you? And you really expect me to believe that I’m the very first girl you’ve felt something for?”
He stared deeply into my eyes. “That’s exactly what I’m telling you, yeah.”
“Comeon!” I simply could not believe the words coming out of his mouth. “I know how easy it is for you guys—everywhere you go, girls want to sleep with you. I saw it last night at the party when that group of mean girls surrounded you in the kitchen. They couldn’t keep their hands off you.”
“That’s my point, though,” he said. “With girls like that, it was never anything more than physical attraction. It makes no difference to them if I treat them kindly or poorly. All they care about is being the girl that gets to go home with me at the end of the night. They look at me and they don’t see me as a person. All they can see is tall, rich, famous athlete.”
“Oh, poor you.” I clicked my tongue. “Don’t even try to act like you had pure intentions with them, because I know you didn’t.”
“You’re right. I didn’t. All I wanted was sex, and they were always willing to give it. It makes you feel important when women desire you like that. It’s a power rush. You get addicted to it.” He shook his head. “But the thing about hooking up with strangers? It’s the easy route, and the easy route never leads anywhere. There’s no deeper connection, no soul, no love to be found. It’s just two people using each other for meaningless sex. And honestly, I was perfectly satisfied with that up until the past couple of years.”
“What changed?”
“I guess my perspective slowly started shifting when my injuries took me out of the lineup. Each day that I didn’t play, I could feel myself being forgotten. Women didn’t look at me the same—now that I wasn’t laying bone-crushing hits or scoring goals on TV every other night, my star was fading. It was like someone drew up the curtain on my life and exposed me for who Ireallywas. I wasn’t God’s gift to women. I was just a regular guy that happened to be a pro athlete. Take that away, and who am I? Nobody, apparently.” He paused. “Y’know what’s even worse? I’d spent so much of my time with girls that didn’t care about me, that I didn’t even know where to begin looking for somethingreal.”
“That’s sad.”
“But what I felt with you is notanythinglike that, Katerina,” he said. “I knewit was wrong, but the first time we kissed? I didn’t even know how to explain it, but deep down, I knew I’d found something special. It felt like my very first kiss—but I don’t mean itremindedme of my first kiss. I mean, itwasmy first kiss. That was the very first time I knew what a kiss wassupposedto feel like when it was actually real. I couldn’t believe how powerful it was. I felt this electric spark, this crazy sensation, this warm tinglythingin my heart that wentwaybeyond what I’ve ever felt with anyone else.”
Using his words from earlier against him, I said, “But we barely know each other.”
He usedmywords from earlier against me, too. “And yet, I feel you right here, Katerina.” He put one hand over his heart and the other hand over mine. “And I know you do, too. Trust me, if I didn’t feel that electricity with you, I never would’ve kissed you, and I certainly wouldn’t be here right now trying to explain all of this, either.”
I was touched, but I knew I had to resist getting carried away yet again. “So why did you tell me the exactoppositeof that earlier, when I was practically begging you to say all this?”
