Page 101 of Bad Teammate
“Because what Papa wanted for you, more than anything in the world, was for you to not end up like him. He couldn’t stop drinking even when heknewit was killing him and hurting his family. He didn’t want that for you—he wanted you to reach your potential. Not just as a hockey player, but as a man.He wanted you to be a good man, Sasha.”
Overwhelmed with emotion, Sasha turned his head away from me.
“Why didn’t you tell me earlier?” he asked, his voice wavering. “All along, I’ve felt so guilty about breaking my promise.”
“I didn’t think you needed to know until the moment was right.” I let out a deep breath. “And honestly? I resented having to make that promise. I resented you both, you and Papa.”
“Why?”
“I had to give up piano so you could keep playing hockey because of Papa’s drinking problem. If you wanted to follow in Papa’s footsteps and haveyourdreams destroyed by alcohol, too? It only seemed fair.” I sighed and shook my head. “But I can’t stand seeing you like this. Sasha, I don’t want you to end up like Papa did. I don’t want you to lose your dream like I did, either. You’re my brother and I love you.”
He turned to me again, his eyes moist. “I’m sorry, Katya. I love you, too. I never wanted you to stop playing because of me. I’ve felt so shitty about it ever since it happened. I just never told you …”
“It’s okay. I know you didn’t choose it. That was the hand we were dealt—that’s why I couldn’t turn my back on you.”
“Can I tell you something?” he asked.
“Sure.”
“Some of my earliest memories are listening to you play the piano.”
“Really?” Touched, I broke into a smile.
“Really. God, I miss your playing, Katya. I haven’t heard you play in years. I wish you would play again—it’s so beautiful. I really do miss it.”
“Thank you, Sasha. I can’t tell you how much that means to me.” I ran my hand through his messy, tangled hair. “Actually, I played for the first time in years just the other day.”
His eyes lit up. “You did?”
“Yes.” I paused. “I played for Derek.”
“You played for Derek.” He pursed his lips, deflating slightly. “Wow. You really do like him.”
I nodded. “I do.”
He let out a deep breath. “I swear to God, hebetternot be toying with you, or else I’ll—”
“Shh.” I put my palm over his mouth and shushed him. “No more threats, understand? I’m a grown woman; I can handle myself. You wouldn’t like it if I interfered in your love life, would you?”
He grumbled.
“I didn’t think so,” I said.
He frowned. “I wouldn’t have made it to the NHL without you, Katya. You’ve always helped me so much, even though I know you had to give up everything for me. With Mama and Papa gone, you’re all I’ve got. I’m afraid I’ll lose you, too.”
“You’re not going to lose me,” I said. “Unlessyou keep going down this path, destroying yourself and everyone around you. Keep this up, and I’ll have to get away from you just to protect myself. Understand?”
He nodded. He sat up and cast his eyes over the living room.
“Shit.” His eyes widened as if he were seeing clearly for the first time. “I attacked Derek at practice.” He swallowed loudly. “I made a big fucking mess today, didn’t I?”
“You sure did.”
“I don’t know if Derek or the rest of the team will forgive me,” he said, biting his lip. “I don’t want to go back to Russia. I really don’t. I’ve worked my whole life to get to the NHL.” He glanced up at me, looking for help. “What do I do, Katya? I don’t know what to do!”
“First. Are you willing to patch things up with Derek?”
He nodded. “Yeah.”
