Page 85 of Crush
“I've looked at them dozens of times already,” she said, laughing as if I'd lost my mind. “You really think I wouldn't have noticed the family pictures after two months of living here?”
“I want you to look at this one.”
I pointed out a specific picture of me with the kids. It was after the annual Boston Brawlers Family Day Skate. In the photo, I knelt on one knee, and the kids—donning Dad's name and number and wearing their ice skates—were huddled around me. I had eight-year-old Chloe on my left side, and the four-year-old twins on the other side.
“Okay. I'm looking. What am I supposed to see when I look at this picture, exactly?” Brynn asked.
“Hopefully nothing,” I said calmly.
“Okay. I don'tthinkI see anything. Um, do I? I don't know what I'm supposed to see or not see, Shea!” She gave a confused laugh.
I grinned. “The other night, you mentioned that Chloe might feel less guilty about the divorce if she knew that Cynthia had other affairs. And I told you, I didn't want to do that, because it could cause problems between her and Cynthia.”
“But youalsosaid something aboutthe twins,” Brynn said, and she examined the photo closer.
I nodded. “This picture pains me to look at, Brynn, but it's also the most important picture I have.”
“Why?”
“First of all, this was the first Brawlers Family Day Skate since the divorce. It was three months to the day, to be exact.”
“That must've been tough,” Brynn said.
“I put on a good smile for the kids, but yeah, I was in a pretty bad state.”
“Was Buddy Parker there that day?”
“No. When I learned about his affair with Cynthia, I went to management and he was traded less than twenty-four hours later. Good thing, because I told the Brawlers brass that I might kill the guy with my own two hands if I ever had to share the ice with him again. Never felt so betrayed in my life. Not just by my wife but by one of my best friends? Ugh.”
“Did your teammates know?”
“I didn't tell anybody. But there were rumors. Especially after the trade. I suspect some guys knew all along.” I shrugged. “I had to forget it and move on, though.”
“I'm sorry. I don't know what to say. That must've been really tough.”
“Uh huh.” I pointed at the picture. “The second reason this picture is so important to me is because that was the same day I got the paternity test results for my children.”
“Wait.” Brynn turned to me, her jaw unhinged. “Shea … are you saying what I think you're saying?”
“Chloe's mine. Nick and Cam, though?” I forced a smile through the pain. “But seeing those boys wearing my jersey, smiling so big, so happy to be on the ice with their Daddy that day? I couldn't take that away from them, Brynn. Not then, not ever. I swore I'd do my best to forget it and raise those boys as my own.”
“So they still don't know?”
“Nope.”
“Does Cynthia know?”
“See, that's another thing. I didn'twantto tell her, because like I said, as far as I'm concerned, those boys are mine. On the other hand, there might be some guy out there with no idea that he has twins. And maybe the twins would someday want to know their real father? It doesn't seem right to keep the truth from everyone.”
Brynn hooked her arm through mine. “You're such a good man.”
“So one day I talked to Cynthia, and Ihintedat the possibility that maybe, just maybe there could be a chance that the twins weren't mine—and boy, that set her off. She accused me of trying to get a lower child support payment, and she'd see me in court, blah blah blah. Whatever. Not worth the hassle to me. I figure, deep down, she very well might know. And maybe she has a guilty conscience about it. Does she even know who their real dad is? I know about two affairs, but how many were theretruly?Who knows. I do know the twins aren't Buddy's, because the twins were born before Buddy and I were teammates.”
“I am sosorry.” Brynn threw her body against mine, wrapped her arms tightly around my back, and buried her face in my chest. “I can't even imagine.”
“I almost wish I never took that damn test. It's like the doctors took something from me. And ever since, I've only wanted to forget it.”
“I know exactly how you feel. But to those boys, there's not a doubt in their mind.Youare their dad. They look up to you so much.”
