Page 73 of Crush
“For who?”
“Chloe and her mom.” He lowered his sad voice. “Or the twins.”
“Wait, what do the twins have to do with this?”
Shea threw up a wall. “Doesn't matter. Why do you keep asking me all these questions, anyway? Haven't I told you enough?”
“Don't act like that, Shea. I wantto talk to you, okay? But I can'tright now. I can't do it without conflicting feelings getting in the way. I'm so confused. On one hand, I likeyou. On the other hand, I love working for you, I love your kids, I love the way I fit in so perfectly in this household and feel so needed and respected. I love everything about being here.”
“And we love having you,” he said, vulnerably.
“And you know what makes that even worse? I feel the same way. Because that just makes me like you more. Which is a problem,” I said, lowering my voice to a whisper, “because Chloe cansensethat. For two months, I did a pretty damn good job of lying to myself about it. But now, things are different, because we've fooled around. We can't continue on in blissful ignorance anymore. And I'm telling you, Chloe can tell that we're lying to her. And you know what? She's right to be mad. I'd be mad about it, too. I'm starting to feel like we're gaslighting her.”
Shea let out a long, tired sigh. “I know. It's fucked up. There's no easy way out.”
“Thereisan easy way out, actually,” I said.
“What's that?”
“I quit, Shea.”
His end went silent.
“What?” he finally blurted out. “You're not serious, are you?”
“I'll start interviewing my replacement immediately. I can't do this anymore. Between our tension, and Chloe's guilt, and the fact that we've now done things? It's too much to continue. Things are too complicated, too fragile, too weird.”
“Brynn. No. C'mon. I'll give you a raise. How much am I paying you right now? Two grand a week? Make it three.”
“Youdon't get it. It's not about money.”
“C'mon, Brynn. What's it going to take? Four grand?”
I huffed. “Go ahead. Keep throwing more money at me. You're only making memoremad and certain that leaving is the right thing.”
“But Brynn, I don't want another nanny. You said it yourself, you fit in with us so perfectly. You can't go. I want you—”
“Yeah, you want me. But do you want me as your nanny or something else? I can't be both. I can't do my job if thisthingis always lingering between us. And I can't keep having this same conversation, either.” I sighed. “I'm hanging up now, Shea. Goodbye.”
“Wait—Brynn! Wait!”
I hung up and powered my phone off.
Chapter 27
Shea
Game 1 was bad.
Before Game 2, the Brawlers held this big dressing room pep rally about how our play in Game 1 was unacceptable, how we all had to step up and be better, how we had to look around the room and hold each other accountable. Above everything else, we had to come out tonight determined to make a statement: that Game 1 was a fluke and we were still capable of winning this series.
I gave a pre-game speech of my own about how this roster needed to be better from top to bottom. During my speech, I wondered if my teammates could tell that my head wasn't in hockey at all—it was pondering the Brynn-sized hole that was left in my heart.
What am I gonna do without her?
I can't just let her go. But she won't stay. She turned down four grand a week.
Hell, she won't even answer her phone!
