Page 58 of Forbidden Puck
I stared at Lance. I couldn't possibly tell him Ella made the whole thing up, or he'd ask why. And then that'd only make him more suspicious. I was trapped.
“ … Nevermind.”
The boys all laughed uproariously. Yep, surely, I was just all bent out of shape because Lance's sister caught me in the act. Ha ha ha. Oh, boy. What a riot. I even left her panties in the living room—talk about a smoking gun.
Our coach came in and interrupted the chuckle-head session. He saidsomeof us didn't look like we came ready to play, so we'd better pull our heads out of our asses before the game tonight and come ready to play. He didn't call anybody out by name, but we all knew exactly who he meant.
I couldn't wait to head home. We'd have a few hours to eat lunch, take a pre-game nap, and then it was time to head back to the rink for game time.
And, somewhere in there, I hoped I could talk with Ella to make myself feel better.
Chapter 19
Something in the Air
Ella
While Lance and Radar were away at their pre-game skate, the door-bell started ringing. A gorgeous salvaged wood coffee table we snagged at the antique shop was the first item to arrive, but all morning long, delivery guys were arriving with our other purchases. I was glad to have the distraction, and I hopped right into action and started decorating the condo.
I hoped that work might be able to take my mind off other things—but while I unpacked boxes and rearranged furniture, my thoughts were elsewhere.
Like the nauseating guilt I felt over lying. Yeah, yeah. It wasn't the end of the world. But to me, it mattered a lot. It went against my principles. Frankly, I had to wonderwhyI even bothered to lie for Radar in the first place. Why should I care if he nuked his relationship with Lance? I warned him not to kiss me. What did it matter to me if he damaged his own career? Heknewthat those were the consequences of getting with me in the first place.
But as soon as I started covering up for him, I enabled his crimes. And soIhad to live with the guilt whilehegot away with his misdeeds. He probably didn't even learn anythingfrom this whole experience. He'd be all over the next forbidden piece of ass he came across. What would he do next? Try to sleep with Lindsay the butt model when Lance wasn't around?
Worst of all, I couldn't even say last night was a total disaster.Yes,he got me all excited to lose my virginity only to leave me stranded at the altar like a jilted bride. And somehow, disturbingly, that fact only made me want himmore.But all morning long, filthy little memories from last night flashed through my head. And I couldn't help but be turned on, as pathetic and horrifying as that sounds. But I couldn't help it. He wasso good.His perfect kisses, his electric touch, the panty-melting bulge that towered in the crotch of his pants …
Or,ugh,how good he was at oral—teasing my folds with his tongue, licking me until I thrust at his face uncontrollably. Or how he kissed and sucked at my clit and finger-fucked me until I screamed so embarrassingly loud in orgasm.
After I came, and Radar sucked my juices right off his finger? God, that was so dirty, butsohot at the same time. I felt like he wanted mesobad, that, well, he deserved me. And besides, I wanted to lose my virginity. And who better than Radar—a guy who wouldn't get attached to me or make a big deal out of it. A guy who'd justtake meand then it'd finally be over.
At least, that's what I thought.
But then, Radar got me into his bedroom, got me naked, … and then he turned me down.
My thoughts turned inward at the moment.Is something wrong with my body? Why doesn't he want me?
But no. It wasn't me, or at least that's what he swore. Apparently, he'd just decided to grow a conscience. He didn't have a problem with kissing me or groping me or eating me out on the brand new couch. Butfuckinghis best friend's little sister? Well, that was a bridge too far, and something only abad friendwould do.
What I did with Radar wasn't some new milestone for me. I'd given, and received, oral with my past boyfriends. But it was always my boyfriends who pushed for more—only to get gently turned down—and end up complaining about their severe case of 'blue balls.'
Last night, for once, I was the one to get turned down. And now I had myowncase of the 'blue balls.' My insides ached with frustration … abandonment … misery.
I guess this is how my boyfriends always felt.There might have been a hilarious irony in that, but I certainly wasn't in the frame of mind to appreciate it.
And yet, nearly lost in all my suffering, were two curious and bothersome questions: if Radar turned me down … wasn't heactuallythe kind of guy that I'd basically given up on trying to find? And why would I lie for a guy if I truly thought he was worthless?
You're just getting your hopes up,I thought to myself with a sigh.He only cares about himself.
***
When the duo of hockey bozos returned, I was standing on my tip-toes on the top rung of a step-ladder, struggling with the new curtains we bought for the giant living room windows.
“Suh-weet!This place looks so fucking legit already, Ella!” Lance cheered as he stepped in and saw the chaos. Radar lurked behind him. “I love it, Honey Badger!”
“I'm glad,” I said, focused on my task.
Radar neared and steadied the base of the ladder. “Can I help you with that? I'm tall, I'll be able to reach up there easily.”
