Page 59 of Grudge Puck
“You know how you said you don't normally do that kind of thing with guys?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, I don't normally do that kind of thing with someone I care about.”
“Wait, you're saying youcareabout me, Beau?”
“I know. I was shocked, too. In the cab ride home? Sure, I was proud of myself for nailing you, and finally getting back at you.”
My hand whacked his chest again.
“But, at the same time, I felt all empty and shit. Look, don't tell anyone this, because I haven't told anyone on the team or anything—but I've been having these anxiety attacks. And sure enough, after hooking up with you? I got one as soon as I got back to the hotel. Andfuckme if that wasn't the worst one I've had yet. My heart felt so empty and I couldn't breathe andugh.It scared the hell out of me, honestly.”
I gave a short laugh. “That's your conscience weighing on you, Beau. I guess you have a heart after all?”
“Apparently.”
“But I'm curious: do you really mean it when you say you've never cared for someone?”
“I mean, I've had girlfriends. But I always had atake 'em or leave 'emkind of mindset.”
I didn't ask the follow-up question I wanted to know; I already knew the answer, anyway. He was a professional athlete. It was surprising, and sweet, and evenpromisingthat he was having this moment of clarity and beginning to understand his emotions. Maybe he was growing up after all. But there was no way he was anywhere near ready to eventhinkabout committing to a girl someday.
It was sad, but I knew in my heart that Beau still had a long way to go to be a man. And change is a grueling, glacial process. And he was still Beau Bradford, successful millionaire athlete. Whichever city he went, he could pull out his sleazy MeatMarket app and summon all the bright-eyed local girls to a bar, where they'd fight and claw at each other just for the chance to sleep with a professional athlete and never see him again.
In other words?He was already living a life that most guys wouldkillto have. Why settle down now? What was in it for him? He didn't have to change. It was perfectly understandable that he shouldn't, that he should continue to have his cake and eat it too.
Which was a concept that I was surprisingly okay with, as I turned it around and around in my head. Obviously, we weren't compatible; we lived 2,000 miles apart and our lifestyles couldn't be any more different. Trying to honestly date Beau would be a disaster. A complete train-wreck.
So I let myself just enjoy this moment with Beau, without feelings getting in the way. We were just two old enemies who'd finally put down an old dispute and, as it turned out, had a lot more in common than we realized.
But that was it. There was no future for us.
And I'm okay with that.
After dinner, I'd let him take me wherever he wanted to go. If that meant going back to his place for one more night of meaningless fun … well, sure, I'd do it.
Without feelings getting in the way, of course.
Chapter 18
Like I Always Wanted
Beau
After we finished eating, I paid the bill. I checked my phone before we left and saw I'd received a text message from a number I didn't recognize.
“Hey Beau. This is Dave Leroux. Sorry about the hit tonight, I lost my cool out there. Hope you're okay. I owe you a favor.”
I frowned. Like I said earlier, Leroux's a solid guy. Most guys don't offer apologies when they finally settle the score with me.
I replied back. “Thanks bud, I'll be fine. Appreciate you reaching out.”
And with that, Camille and I left the diner and started walking to nowhere.
“So what's next on the agenda, Mr. Bradford?” Camille asked. “Since you scored two goals, I believe I owe you a second part to this date.”
“We could do coffee, or dessert.” I checked my watch. “Might have time to catch a movie before curfew.”
