Page 40 of Living for Truth
I just hope my prize in the end is her.
Chapter 18
Hannah
The minute I got home last night I looked up the meaning behind the flowers. It took some digging to find the purple flower, but Ithinkit’s purple limonium.
According to Google, sunflowers symbolize loyalty, admiration, happiness, and longevity, which Morgan had already explained. The purple limonium has so many different meanings: purity, loyalty, success, love, devotion.
I would think this bouquet was just a pretty, aesthetically pleasing, thoughtful gift if it weren’t for the red carnations.
Everything I read about carnations was similar. A deep, dark red is meant to convey deep love and affection. A paler red is meant to declare “my heart aches for you” and admiration.
The carnations in the bouquet are, in my unprofessional opinion, somewhere between deep and pale, so I have no idea whatthey mean.
This bouquet could be a declaration of feelings or just a pretty combination, and I won’t know for sure unless I ask Morgan. But I don’t think I want to do that.
I got into work this morning and immediately debriefed Sage about the dinner last night, gushing about my necklace and lamenting over the awkward questions from my mom. We've been debating the meaning of the carnations for the last three hours in between tasks.
“Hannah, I swear to Satan I’m going to smack you upside the head. He. Likes. You. That man is head-over-heels, weak-in-the-knees. He came to a familydinnerwith your serpent of a mom and didn’t run for the hills! When are you going to admit you have feelings for him, too?” Sage emphasizes her points with a quick jab of her spoon in my direction.
I sigh, barely picking at my sandwich. I want to argue that she’s wrong—that it was a friendly gesture and a meaningless bouquet, but Morgan doesn’t do meaningless with flowers. If he were any other guy, it would be a lot easier to brush off.
I also don’t want to admit I have feelings for him—to Sage or to myself. That’s scary and runs the risk of me getting my heart torn from my chest. What happens if we do this for real and he realizes I’m just a weird book nerd with depression and mountains of religious trauma? What if he wants more kids? I can’t give him that. What if—
Sage claps her hands loudly, making me jump out of my thought spiral. “I can feel you thinking from over here. Care to voice your concerns out loud?”
“I’m just scared,” I admit, and Sage’s shoulders sag while her face morphs into a sad, understanding smile.
“I would be worried if you weren’t scared, babe. You’ve been through a lot, and there are things that could go wrong with Morgan. But… what if things goright?”
“I guess you’re right. I’ll think about it.” It’s the most I can promise right now.
The rest of the day goes by quickly—thank goodness—and by the time I’m headed home, I have come to terms with the fact I have feelings for my fake boyfriend. I’ll ask him to come with me to Wes’s show in two weeks and give him a flower that says, “I like you.”
Is it a great plan? No.
But will it work? I hope so.
After I park in the driveway, I pull out my phone and call Elli.
“Hello?” she answers on the first ring, and some type of bass pounds in the background. She must be with Wes preparing for a show.
“Hey, Elli. How’s it going?”
“Great! How’re you doing? I hope you had a good birthday. I have your present for you! And I’m excited to see you in two weeks.” She sounds happy. Elli was always quiet and reserved as a kid, and I know she struggledwith some undiagnosed depression as well. Hearing her so happy makes me smile as much as it makes me jealous.
She left the church at pretty much the same time she moved to Texas, and she’s been living her life authentically ever since with her hot rockstar boyfriend.
I envy that kind of freedom.
“I’m excited to see you two again. I was just calling to see if that extra ticket you mentioned was still a possibility?”
Elli gasps, “YES. Oh my God,yes.Are you bringing a date?”
Even though she can’t see me, I cover my face in embarrassment. Emma was always the hopeless romantic one growing up, Elli and I just went along for the ride when she told us her dating stories. Now, it’s like we’re making up for lost time.
“I am. His name is Morgan, and we’re…” God, this is embarrassing. “We’re fake dating right now, but I want to make itnotfake… if that makes sense.”
