Page 28 of Living for Truth
Morgan nods. “That’s her, unfortunately.”
“That seems a bit harsh.” I don’t know why I feel the need to defend her.
He sighs. “You’re right. That was uncalled for, but I wasn’t lying when I said she hasn’t seen her in over a year. She barely even answers Aly’s texts and calls. It’s like she decided having a kid wasn’t what she wanted so she just abandoned her. I’m upset because she’s hurting my daughter, and she doesn’t give a fuck.”
My stomach plummets and tears threaten to spring to my eyes for Aly. I don’t have a good relationship with my mom at all, but I can’t imagine being abandoned like that. “That’s really, really shitty. I’m so sorry you and Aly have been dealing with that.” I squeeze his arm in what I hope is a comforting gesture.
“Thank you, it’s not easy to watch Aly feel like she’s not loved. My mom and sisters try their best to be there for her and give her all the girl time they can, but it’s not the same. And it’s hard to not be able to celebrate or commiserate Aly’s highs and lows with a partner who loves Aly as much as I do, you know?”
“I don’t know, honestly. I was never far enough along to get to that point.” I slap a hand over my mouth, cursing the lack of filter on me. This isn’t about me right now, it’s about him!
Morgan’s eyebrows knit together, and he turns his body to face me in our little booth, grabbing my hand. “I’m not going to pry about that, especially right now, but just know I’m sorry.”
I blink back tears at the sincerity in his voice. Not many people know about the miscarriages, but everyone always says the same thing.
“They’re in a better place.”
“They were too pure for this Earth.”
“They’ll be waiting for you in the Celestial Kingdom.”
What people don’t realize is those things don’t mean much, especially when you’re like me and aren’t sure there’s an afterlife. I don’t knowif I’ll get to see my babies again. And how can there be a better place than in my arms? Does the God Mormons believe in not find me worthy to have a child?
When Liam told me it was my fault for not being worthy enough to carry a child, I took it to heart and doubled down on being the “perfect” member. I did the service, I read my scriptures, I prayed twice a day on my knees, and still, nothing was good enough.
I realize now maybe it wasn’tmewho was unworthy of having a child. Maybe if God is real, he was just showing me Liam’s true colors so I wouldn’t be stuck with a narcissistic asshole for eternity.
The fact Morgan didn’t fill me with fake platitudes or hollow words means more than he will ever know.
“Thank you. It’s still really fresh and hard to discuss, but hopefully someday I’ll be ready to talk about it.” I give him a sad smile and squeeze the hand holding mine.
“I hope one day you’ll see how incredibly strong I think you are, Han. I hope one day you’ll trust me.”
I don’t tell him that I already kind of do trust him. The fact scares the ever-loving shit out of me.
I just hope my trust isn’t misplaced.
Chapter 12
Morgan
After the cheese, we had the main course: different types of marinated meat cooked on a cast iron skillet along with a side salad and an assortment of vegetables.
Now, we have our dessert—chocolate fondue. I chose the turtle fondue with candied pecans because it’s fucking delicious.
I didn’t think this through very well though.
I already toed the invisible line by kissing Hannah on the forehead when no one else was around. I could play it as a “just in case they’re watching” gesture, but the truth is, I wanted to.
But now, I’m crossing all sorts of friendship boundaries with the direction my thoughts are going.
I didn’t think I’d get turned on watching Hannah wrap her plump lips around a chocolate covered strawberry or enjoy the little hums she makes after a particularly good bite. I didn’t think about how difficult itwould be to stop myself from wiping a smear of chocolate from her lips.
I can picture it clearly. I’d wipe that smear with my thumb, bring it to my mouth, and suck it off, mixing the sweetness of the chocolate with the sweetness that is Hannah. Her eyes would darken with desire, and I’d say, “I think I need another taste,” and cup her face gently before bringing my lips to hers, savoring what I’m sure would be the most immaculate flavor combination.
Or, I’d press my chocolate covered thumb to those pillowy lips, and she’d suck it into her delectable mouth, swirling her tongue around the tip of my thumb like she would around the tip of my cock. I’d pull it out with a pop, and then I’d lean in and ravish her mouth like I would her pussy.
Fuck, am I a pervert?
