Page 18 of Crush & Byte
I shook my head, tucking that same stubborn strand of hair behind my ear again.“I would, though.And I’m not trying to make myself out to be more than I really am.I’ve seen it happen before.When two people who are close -- friends, siblings, whatever -- start bringing other people into the mix, things change.Priorities shift.”
I shook my head when Byte opened his mouth to speak, needing to get this out.“You guys are a unit.You have whole conversations with just a look.I see how you support each other.It’s second nature to you.Maggie didn’t tell me anything about the two of you other than you were honorable men, hard-working, and exceptionally intelligent.But she left out the most important thing about the two of you.Together.”
I snagged Byte’s hand, reaching out at the same time for Crush’s.Surprisingly, Crush unfolded his arms and took my hand in his.“You’re almost symbiotic in your dynamic.I envy that relationship in so many ways for so many different reasons I can’t even begin to describe my feelings.The one thing I know with absolute certainty is that you need each other.To complete yourselves.While I have no illusions I could actually come between the two of you, I’m not willing to take the chance.No matter what this friendship turns into, I know my place among the three of us.And it’s not at the top.”
Both men shifted, glancing at each other, but they didn’t let go of my hand.“I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t attracted to the two of you.You’re the kindest men I’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting.I’m privileged to be able to spend this time with you, even if it feels a little one-sided.You’re giving me so much and I’m taking without giving back.”
“You’re dead wrong about not giving back to us.”Byte’s tone of voice was vehement, almost angry.His grip tightened on my hand, not to the point of pain, but it was clear he didn’t like my statement.
Crush reached out with his other hand and placed it on Byte’s where he gripped mine.“Calm down, brother.”I’d never seen this side to the pair of them.Byte had struck me as the peacemaker, where Crush was more like a blunt object ready to Hulk smash the opposition.“Let her finish.”
I chose to ignore the byplay for now.“I’m not going to put myself in a position where I eventually have to choose.I couldn’t live with myself if I caused a rift when the two of you practically finish each other’s sentences!No matter how unintentional.That would be the worst tragedy of the whole situation.”By the time I finished, I was practically in tears.For multiple reasons.
The silence lingered.The longer it continued, the more uncomfortable I became.
“You think pretty highly of your ability to disrupt our relationship,” Crush spoke for the first time, his deep voice rippling through me like rolling thunder.His expression remained guarded, but there was something in his tone that caught me off guard.Almost like amusement.
“That’s not what I --”
“I know what you meant,” he cut in, squeezing my hand gently.“You’re trying to protect us.And yourself.”
I started, relieved and surprised he understood.“Yes.”
“Noble,” Byte murmured, exchanging a look with Crush that I couldn’t decipher.“But unnecessary.”
“What do you mean?”
Crush’s jaw tightened again, the only visible sign of whatever emotion he was feeling.“It means we’re grown men who can make our own choices, River.We don’t need protection from you or anyone else.”
The intensity in his voice made me draw back slightly.This was going downhill fast.I must have really insulted them and that had never been my intention.“I didn’t mean to imply --”
“We know,” Byte interrupted, shooting Crush a warning look.“What my brother’s trying to say, in his characteristically blunt way, is that you don’t need to worry about us.The one thing in our lives we’ve always had is each other.We know how to protect ourselves and each other.Any problems we have regarding you, we can work out between the two of us.You’re not responsible for our relationship with each other; not unless you’re actively trying to sabotage us.We’ve been through worse together than a pretty girl getting under our skin.”
Heat flooded my face at his words.“I’m not --”
“You are,” Crush said, his voice softer now.“And that’s part of the problem, isn’t it?You don’t see yourself clearly.”
I stared at them both, suddenly feeling exposed in a way that had nothing to do with physical nakedness.They saw me,reallysaw me, in a way few people ever had.Maybe they saw more than anyone.Well, besides Maggie.She’d wormed her way into my life without me even realizing it, and probably knew me better by now than I did myself.Knowing Crush and Byte had my number gave me a rush I wasn’t prepared for.Which only made me fall deeper under their spell.“I just want to have a good time,” I said finally, my voice barely above a whisper.“I want to enjoy this adventure, enjoy your company, without complications.Without heartbreak waiting at the end.”
The brothers exchanged another of those silent looks, a whole conversation happening in the space between heartbeats.“Fair enough.”Crush gave my hand a little squeeze before sitting back in his chair again.“No expectations.No complications.”
But something in the way he said the words, and the way Byte’s mouth curved into a half smile, told me they didn’t believe it any more than I did.Because it didn’t matter I’d only just met them; it didn’t even matter that there had been little to no physical contact among the three of us.Whatever was happening to us had already sailed past “uncomplicated” and was heading straight for uncharted waters.At least, it was emotionally.And despite all my protests, despite all my fears, a small, reckless part of me couldn’t wait to see where the current would take us.
Silence settled over us, broken only by the occasional snap of the fire.The confession about my fears had left me raw, exposed, but strangely lighter.Kind of like lancing a wound.I drew a deep breath and let it out slowly.If they were going to understand why I was the way I was, they deserved the whole story.“I grew up in the foster care system,” I said, my voice dropping to barely above a whisper.“It wasn’t horrible.I had good homes and a couple of foster grandmothers who loved to make me cookies just to see my eyes light up.”I smiled at the memory.
Crush shifted in his seat, his eyes intent on my face, while Byte remained perfectly still, a statue carved from shadow and firelight.Neither spoke, giving me space to continue at my own pace.
“As such, I had a few foster brothers and sisters,” I said, tugging the quilt higher until it covered me from chin to toes.“There was always more than one or two other kids besides me, all of us packed into these houses with foster parents who usually tried their best but needed the money they got for taking us in more than they wanted kids to look after.And the thing about being one of many is that you either learned to make yourself smaller so no one noticed you, or you became the loudest person in the room competing for attention.Any attention.”
Byte still held on to my hand and I stared down at our joined hands.“The loudest kids got attention.The prettiest ones got adopted.The troublemakers got noticed, even if it was the wrong kind of notice.But me?I was just… there.Taking up space.Getting passed over.All because I never found a place or people I felt like I belonged with.To be honest, I was OK with that.Still am.”I shook my head, debating how much to tell them.“Fuck it,” I muttered, taking a breath before I continued.
“I had this foster sister once.Jessie.She was beautiful.Golden hair, blue eyes, the kind of smile that could charm anyone.She’d been in the system longer than me, knew all the tricks.How to get the good clothes from donations, how to make the foster parents laugh.How to beseen.”I swallowed hard, the memory vivid despite the years.“I used to watch her, trying to figure out her secret.What made her so special?Why did everyone love her when they barely noticed me?I tried to copy the way she talked, the way she laughed.But it never worked for me.I was still just… background noise.”The fire hissed and popped, sending embers dancing up the chimney.I glanced off, stared into the flames instead of at the intense men sitting at the table with me.
“After a while, I stopped trying.I accepted that I was never going to be the star of anyone’s show.Which is when I discovered the upside to being invisible.No one notices when you leave.”
Byte’s grip on my hand loosened.Instead, he brushed his thumb over my fingers gently, stroking my skin in a soothing caress.“How old were you when you first ran?”
“Thirteen.”I didn’t look up, couldn’t bear to see the judgment or worse, the pity, in their eyes.“Didn’t get far that first time.Police picked me up at a bus station two towns over.But by sixteen, I’d gotten pretty good at it.Never stayed in one place more than six months after that.Never went back to foster care.”
