Page 20 of Crush & Byte
“How to protect,” Byte added.
I remembered what Crush had said about their grandmother being CIA, about the skills they’d learned, and suddenly it all made a terrible kind of sense.They hadn’t just been orphaned.They’d been forged.
“We made a pact,” Crush continued, his fists still clenched tight.“As boys, after Maggie told us.We decided that when we grew up, we would train to kill and protect.That we’d never let what happened to our mother happen to anyone we loved.”
“And we decided we’d find a woman --onewoman -- who we both loved, and we’d both marry her.”Byte’s gaze was intent and very, very serious.
Crush shook his head.“He’s the one who said the word marry.I pointed out it was illegal.He said, ‘Watch me.’It was a whole thing.”
The uncharacteristic humor -- or sheer number of words in consecutive order without much of a pause -- from Crush was so unexpected I snort-giggled once before shaking it off, my breath catching.“Both of you?”
Byte nodded.“So there would always be someone to protect her.So she would never be alone against the world.”
The conviction in his voice, the absolute certainty, stunned me.This wasn’t some casual suggestion or passing fancy.This was a sacred vow made by traumatized children, carried into adulthood with unwavering dedication.
“We’ve shared women before,” Crush said, his tone pragmatic.“But never like this.Never someone we knew would matter to us beyond the physical.”
My mind reeled with the implications.“And I might matter to you?”My voice sounded small, disbelieving.
“Youdomatter, River.More than you know,” Byte said quietly.
I stared into the fire, trying to process everything they’d told me.The tragedy of their past, the intensity of their bond, the staggering proposition they were offering.It was too much, too fast, yet not nearly enough.It wouldn’t be enough until it was all mine.And that was even more terrifying than the aforementioned eighties slasher movies.
“This is crazy,” I murmured, more to myself than to them.“We barely know each other.Wedon’tknow each other!”
“Sometimes you just know.”Crush echoed Byte’s earlier words, the ones that had resonated so deeply with me.“Like instinct.Maggie knew it.Her instinct was to push you to us.Our instinct is saying you’re ours.”
I looked up at them, these two men who’d survived unimaginable loss and emerged not broken but transformed.Stronger because they were somehow fused together, forged in fire.They watched me with identical expressions of patient expectation, waiting for me to catch up to a conclusion they’d already reached.
“You’re serious,” I said, not a question this time but a realization.“Both of you.With me.”
Byte nodded, a small smile playing at the corners of his mouth.“Both of us.With you.”
“Not just sex,” Crush added, his voice low and intense.“Everything.All of it.”
My heart thundered in my chest so loudly I was sure they could hear it.Fear mingled with a wild, unexpected hope, the possibility that maybe, just maybe, I’d found a place where I wouldn’t have to make myself into something I wasn’t.Where I could be seen and chosen and protected.
Where I finally belonged.
“I don’t know what to say,” I admitted, my voice trembling slightly.“This isn’t… I never imagined…” I shook my head.“OK, that’s not true.I imagined.”I looked up at them both, my gaze bouncing from one to the other.“I imagined quite a lot.”I shook my head again.“But that’s not the point!”
Byte chuckled gently.“You don’t have to decide right now.We’re not going anywhere.”
Crush nodded in agreement.“Take all the time you need.Weeks.Months.We’ve waited this long.We can wait a while longer.”
“Weeks or months, huh?”The corner of my lips lifted.It felt kind of maniacal, but who could say?“That long?”
Byte grinned.“That’s us being generous.Besides, we’ll have a part to play in your decision-making process.”
“We do our job right,” Crush added, “you won’t need weeks or months.”
They were offering me something I’d never had before.A choice.Real choice in something that would affect more than only me.Without pressure or manipulation.Choices in my life affecting more than myself were always made by the other party.Not because I wanted it that way, but because I’d never been in the kind of position of power it took to make those decisions.Maybe it wasn’t exactly true Crush and Byte wouldn’t try to manipulate me.Or pressure me.If they were going to try to convince me with deeds rather than words, wasn’t that the same as both pressureandmanipulation?I’d have to think about that one a while.
I looked from one to the other, these beautiful, damaged men who somehow saw something worth choosing in me.The fear was still there, the instinct to run, to protect myself from the inevitable heartbreak.But underneath it, like a current pulling me toward deep water, was a yearning I couldn’t ignore.
For the first time in my life, the thought of staying felt more exciting than the prospect of leaving.More terrifying, yes.But also more real, more alive, more everything than the half-life I’d been living.
“I’ll think about it,” I promised, my voice stronger now.And I meant it.
