Page 17 of MacAlister's Hope
At long last she would have something to hold over Fia, something that would take the light from her eyes and the smile from her lips should Elena and Symon learn of it. Something that would make Fia do whatever Annis wanted for a long time to come.
Fia lay with her head on Kieron’s chest, running her fingers lightly over his skin, remembering what they had done, what they had shared, until need began to build in her again. This was exactly where she wanted to be, in Kieron’s arms. Never had she felt so happy, so loved, so sure of what she wanted her future to hold.
But she could not turn her back on her family. She owed them everything, and until Kieron had walked into the bailey at Kilmartin Castle she had never imagined that her place with them might not be enough.
Guilt clawed into her heart. She loved her life at Kilmartin Castle. She had a family she loved, and who loved her. She had a calling with her herb lore, and had learned so much by working with Elena as her helper. She was comfortable there, but now she could see that she was lonely there, as well. Her heart had been lonely for the one person she was meant to share her life with only she hadn’t known it.
She knew it now.
Just the thought of returning to her life at Kilmartin hollowed out her heart.
She would give anything to stay here with Kieron, to wed with him, to make a family with him. She knew she would be welcome here, not only because Kieron loved her, but because she could take her place as their healer, too.
But it was impossible, as impossible for him to come with her as for her to stay here.
Nay, this was the time they had and maybe, when Mairi was fully trained and Elena was safely done having bairns, maybe then, if Kieron had not married already, maybe then, they could be together.
“Did you hear something?” Kieron asked, his voice rumbling in his chest against her ear.
“Nay,” she said, but she could not be certain she would have noticed anything while she was spiraling down into loneliness and misery.
“’Twas probably just a dog snuffling around outside for something to eat,” he said, pulling her more tightly to him. “We should return to the ceilidh before anyone comes in search of us.”
Fia sighed and let herself enjoy the slow beat of his heart against her cheek for a few more minutes.
When she knew she could not put off returning to the hallhouse any longer she slipped out of his warm embrace and shivered in the chill air of the dark cottage. “’Tis time the chief returned to his chamber. I’ll not have him making himself ill again when I must return to Kilmartin.” Her kirtle lay in a heap next to the bed. She grabbed it and slid it over her head. “I cannot delay going back.” She tried to keep her voice light, but she was certain he could hear the strain in it. “Elena’s time grows near and she’ll need me.” Fia barely contained a sob as she searched for her gown, finding it near the door.
Kieron had his tunic on now but grabbed her before she could tie the laces on her gown. “Let me,” he said, taking the ribbons from her hands and tying them carefully, if a little lopsidedly. When he finished, he pulled her back into his arms and laid his cheek against the crown of her head making her feel tiny and protected in the arms of her warrior, her friend, her love.
“I do not ken how, but we will find a way to be together, love,” Kieron said. “I cannot bear the thought of being parted from you again.”
“But you are needed here and I am needed there,” she said, blinking rapidly. She refused to cry over something that could not be changed.
“Aye, ’tis true, but there must be a way.” He ran the backs of his fingers over her cheek, then kissed her sweetly. “I love you, Fia, and I will find a way for us to be together.”
Fia pressed a kiss into his palm. “I love you, too,” she said but dared not hold onto hope that he would be successful.
Chapter Nine
Fia lay awake in the same bed she had shared with Kieron just a few hours earlier, his scent surrounding her as firmly as his arms had. As tired as she was after more than a sennight caring for the chief, Kieron’s scent in her bed kept her awake, reminding her of every caress, every whispered word they had shared there. Annis slept like a stone on a pallet across the small chamber. Oddly, she had not complained at all when Fia refused to share the bed with her.
When the sky began to lighten, Fia rose, woke Annis, and packed her things quickly, anxious to see Kieron again. As she made her way from the cottage to the stable, Kieron fell into step beside her. She wanted to throw herself into his arms and hold him one last time, but she only took his hand in hers. He threaded his finger through hers, but the look in his eyes told her he wanted much more. She squeezed his hand and simply said, “Good morn.”
Annis caught up with them at just that moment, walking beside Fia, and so they said nothing more. Tavish awaited them at the stable.
“My da wanted me to tell you again,” he said to Fia, “that you have his thanks and gratitude for taking such good care of him.” He looked down for a moment, then glanced at Kieron before looking back at Fia. “Kier was right about you. I apologize for doubting your skill. You are welcome here, you ken? Anytime. And we hope you will return here soon.” Now he glared at Annis. “But do not bring that one back with you. She is not welcome.”
“I thank you for that, the apology and the invitation to return. And I will promise, if I should return, Annis will not. I do not think Elena will allow her out of Kilmartin Castle once she learns what has passed here,” Fia said. “I am sorry for bringing her this time.”
Annis started to defend herself but Fia just glared at her. “I am glad I was of service to your father, and I do hope to return here one day.”
Kieron’s grip tightened on her hand. “Very soon,” he said. “I hope.”
Before dawn even broke, Tavish stood in the lane waving at them as Kieron led the way out of Kilglashan. Fia rode behind him, followed by Annis. Brodie brought up the rear. The silence of the group made the sound of the horses loud in her ears. The birds woke with the sun, wrapping another layer of sound around the silent travelers.
She had not even tried to speak with Kieron on the journey, for anything she wanted to say she couldn’t say in front of their traveling companions. He had been just as silent, though she caught him looking back at her more than once as they traveled. When they stopped just as dusk was descending, they all set up camp, much as they had that first night out just eight days, and a lifetime, ago—the women settling their blankets near each other with the men across the way, a fire between them. Their meal was cold meat, cheese, and bannocks, but Brodie had brought a skin of whiskey with him which they shared as they ate.
Afterward Fia excused herself into the woods, hoping Kieron might follow so they could share one last private moment. When she turned to wait for him to catch up, she discovered it was Annis who followed.
