Page 54 of Captured By the Cold Duke
“Has he said this kind of thing before?” she asked.
“Not that I remember. But he did have a difficult relationship with his father, Cherie. That much I know, although he did try to hide the worst parts of it from me.”
Cherie sighed. “What you told me makes sense. He feels unworthy of his father, and it’s part of what is making him think he is unworthy of me and the life I want to build with him.”
“I’m sure he will come around,” Aidan said. “He won’t feel unworthy forever, he just needs to see himself through your eyes. And maybe once you have children of your own, he will see what a joy being a father can be. I’m sure he just associates it with the painful memories of his own father. But he will change his mind, once he has his own.”
Cherie forced herself to nod, then changed the subject back to Cassandra’s baby.
“So, have you come up with any names yet?”
Aidan laughed. “Not yet. But I look forward to sitting down with the duchess and coming up with a list together.”
His eyes were shining with love and excitement, and Cherie realized that this was what she wanted more than anything on earth: a man she didn’t have to convince to be happy at the thought of having a child with her.
She wasn’t like Cassandra, so sweet and forgiving. Nor was she like Samantha, always scheming and angry. Minerva was practical and logical, and she wasn’t like that either. What she was though was a strong, independent woman who knew her own worth.
And I’m certainly worth a man who believes himself worthy of me.
She hugged her brother goodbye, then made her way out of her childhood home and back towards her married home—although she now knew that it wouldn’t be her home for long.
Twenty
“Thomas? Are you there?”
Cherie knocked on the door of her husband’s study firmly and decisively. She had considered calling him by his title, but in the end, had decided that it was better if she did not resort to petty recriminations. She’d agreed to call him Thomas, and she didn’t want to go back now, just because she was angry at him.
And really, the feeling that was currently coursing through her was far more complex than anger. There was anger, yes, but also grief and fear. And it wasn’t anger that had brought her to this moment now, when she was finally ready to confront him. It was belief and faith in herself and the life she wanted.
“Hello?” she called again, knocking once more. But there was no reply, and after another pause, she pushed open the study door.
Inside, the study was empty. It was also dark, as none of the candles had been lit, and the fire wasn’t on.
Cherie sighed, then moved further into the room. She hadn’t been expecting her husband to be out at this time of day. He rarely went to his club; usually, he was locked up in his study working on getting the duchy in order, which she knew still overwhelmed him since his father’s death.
“I guess you’re out drinking your sorrows away,” she said, staring around the study. “Probably because you know that our marriage is over as well.”
Emotion swelled inside of her, and for a moment, she thought she was going to cry. But then she steeled herself.
You’re not here to cry, you’re here to tell him you’ve decided that, for your own happiness, you want to live separately.
It wasn’t an easy decision to make. For the past several days, she had been mulling it over, ever since Cassandra had put the thought in her mind.
“It’s the perfect solution,” she’d told Minerva the day before when the two of them had promenaded along the Serpentine. “I can have my own life without causing the scandal of an annulment.”
“But you won’t be able to remarry and have children,” Minerva pointed out.
“But I also won’t ruin your prospects for marriage by association,” Cherie had said, with determination she didn’t feel. “If I do that, then what was all this for? No, I gave up on the idea of marrying for love when I agreed to marry the duke. I’ve resigned myself to that fate. And as for children, well, I think I shall love being an aunt. That will just have to be enough for me.”
“Very well,” her friend had said, taking her arm. “As long as you’re sure.”
As long as you’re sure.Even now, Cherie wasn’t sure that she was sure. And a small part of her was afraid that the reason she was choosing separation, as opposed to annulment, was because she still believed that Thomas might come around.
No, you’re doing it for your friends. Just them.
Still, as Cherie stood in the study, she had the feeling that she was about to end her marriage. It might not be as serious as an annulment, but it was still a major break. Thomas might never forgive her for it. He probably expected her to live with him and manage his household, host events for him, and play the part of the dutiful wife.
But she had to do this for herself.
