Page 38 of Queen of Ashes and Scars
I hold the sheet closer to my body. “You did not.”
“I did. I saw you swimming with your little puppy dog, Lulu, and I realized I had to bide my time. Why do you think I came back to court just as you returned from the island?”
My blood races in my veins. “Ludovic had just died—it made sense for you to be there.”
He shakes his head in denial. “I came to ask your brother for your hand, but he’d already set his plans in motion, and my father was only too happy to crush my hopes down, even though your marriage to Pereira didn’t exactly please him either.”
“Err—No.”
“On Christmas Eve, when I hooked you with that ridiculous giant candy cane… I meant to kiss you, Ari. For real.”
Cold sweat gathers on my neck. Christmas… my stomach squeezes at the memory. We shared our first kiss that night, right before he tore my heart out of my chest.
“You said that Henry had dared you to kiss the ugliest girl in the room,” I grit through my teeth.
He shifts on the bed and clasps my hand, his eyes open and vulnerable. “I was an idiot. I couldn’t handle saying goodbye to you, and I lashed out.”
My pulse flies at that. “What are you saying?”
“I tried to push you out of my mind, Ari. I traveled the world, fucked all the humans, demons, vandellas, and witches I could find—”
I press my index finger to his mouth. “Shush. You’re not helping your case.”
“I did all that, but I couldn’t get what you said out of my mind. You were right, Lil’ Bit, when you told me I would always regret the way I treated you that night. I did—I do. I regret itsomuch,” he adds softly.
Tears fill my eyes, but I refuse to blink, taking it all in. Sometimes, when something is too perfect, I just can’t believe it’s real. I’m tempted to look inside his mind to see if he’s telling the truth, but that’s a slippery slope. It feels real. Maybe that’s all I need. Maybe I can truly trust him.
“I hate you a little bit for what you did. For letting me believe you could never be attracted to me,” I admit, my voice full of unwanted cracks.
“I think you can see now that it was all bullshit from an arrogant, stubborn child.Une petite peste.”
My lips quirk up at Mother’s nickname for him, which means “Little Pest.”
“Why do you think your mother didn’t just outright say we’d wed?” he asks.
I lie on my stomach, my elbows propped over his chest. “I don’t know. Maybe she didn’t exactly know what would happen. Maybe she was afraid telling us too much could alter the course of history.” I play with my fingers, a smile curling my lips, and meet his gaze again. “Maybe she knew we were not in a place to hear it.”
A small giggle escapes us both at how true that sounds, our childhood memories taking a life of their own.
“Did you know that Victor was gay?” I ask suddenly.
“Ah! Considering I found my father on his knees, blowing the daylights out of him, I’d say—yes.”
My spine stiffens as I sit up. “When was this?”
He looks simply haunted, and my heart races in my chest at the angry curve of his mouth. “I was fourteen.”
Yikes!I make a quick calculation in my head. Ludovic was way older than both of us, but Victor was closer to my age. When Sebastian was fourteen, my brother hadn’t even had his nightfall, yet.
“That day, I realized it was all bullshit. They wanted us to study the sacred tomes and dress like obedient preppy dolls—“ He slows down, tampering the torrent of emotions in his voice. “My father and the rest of the lords…they pretend to be these reasonable, important rulers that stand above the rest of the beasts, when in reality they are just better at hiding their sordid affairs.”
Oh, crap.“Is that why your mother left?”
“I mean—would you have stayed with a man that preferred teenage boys to you? And then my father had the stupendous idea to marry his lover to his daughter, an arrangement I’m sure allowed them plenty of perks. If not for that, you and I would have been wed. It made way more sense, but he decided to please his dick instead. It’s not like my sister was going to out her own husband and father, so she had to keep her mouth shut. Frankly, I’m surprised Adele hasn’t jumped from the roof of the palace, yet.”
I cover my mouth to hide how disgusted I feel that his father would do that. I’m just so shocked… “That wouldn’t kill her, you know. It would just be really, really painful.”Oh my gods, stop talking. Stop talking now.
Sebastian clicks his tongue at my half-assed attempt at dark humor. “It’s a figure of speech.”
