Page 37 of Queen of Ashes and Scars
His dark eyes gleam in the night. “I thought you meantIcould pretend.”
“I’m not following.”
He licks his lips in hesitation. “You used tolove me, Lil’ Bit.”
My jaw hangs open, the instinct to deny it and protect my heart from him too strong to ignore. “I had a crush on you as a teenager—that hardly counts as something serious.”
He pouts, but the light dancing in his eyes remains. “Still…You loved me.”
“And you spent every waking hour designing new ways for me to stop,” I add with a hint of bitterness.
“Did I succeed? Truly?”
No.“Pretty much.”
“Then I’ll just have to come up with new ways to make you love me again.” He nods—mostly to himself—like this is an acceptable compromise.
You don’t accidentally marry the man you pined over for years, and even if all logical signs point to the rationality of this alliance, I can’t fool myself. Not when he looks so fine in a tuxedo, using a word I thought he considered blasphemy.
I keep focusing on his flaws, on the crueler aspects of his rebellion and all the ways he hurt me. It’s a well-trained defense mechanism I developed after he left, a way to forget all the things he didright, like the countless times he sneaked into my bedroom to distract me with his crazy shenanigans after Mother’s death, or how he covered for me with the Elders when I just needed to cry for an hour.
Oblivious to the weight of my epiphany, Sebastian holds me tighter. I’m left whiplashed by the entire conversation—and the feel of his arms around me. “You’re on board? Just like that?”
“Sure. Why not? Healthy competition is good for the soul. Beaumont’s always been my favorite royal guard—the only high-ranking officer with a sense of humor, so I understand, truly.”
I bite my bottom lip, unsure if I can take him at his word. “Why did you accept my proposal? You hate all that has to do with the crown.”
“You hope to burn down the court, no? The hypocrisy, the screwed-up power dynamics, the stupid traditions—-like the ones that say a woman can’t rule without a man by her side? Or have three lovers at once?” He adds with a wise-ass grin.
“Yes.”
He bends down to kiss me, our lips almost touching as he says, “Then by all means, my queen. Fetch me the matches.”
* * *
Even though they’reboth vampires, Sebastian feels entirely different than Alec. The royal guard knows he’s a great lover, and his movements are always rehearsed, his patience and skill allowing me to abandon myself completely to his touch without feeling self-conscious.
Sebastian fucks me with the verve of someone who has something to prove. He observes me with his brow bent in concentration like each of my releases is a contest he intends to win.
But what I love most about him is his dirty mind, his mouth whispering one scandalous line after another, driving me wild. He’s known me my whole life. He remembers what fantasies kept me awake as a teenager and how deep my obsession for him went, and milks every inch of that knowledge to his advantage.
After five orgasms for me—two for him—he’s still not ready to call for the chamber to be opened, and I call a truce, needing a moment to catch my breath.
So he decides to fuck with my mind instead.
“The year we spent Christmas in the alps… you looked so fine in that red dress,” he says out of the blue, his kiss on my shoulder blade almost painful in contrast to his words.
I sit up, holding the sheet over my breasts. “Don’t do that.”
Lying on his side with his arm propped under his head, he raises an innocent brow. “Do what?”
“Don’t try to rewrite the past. You thought I was ugly when we were growing up.”
He squints at me like I’m the one that’s being insincere. “Are you kidding?”
“I’m just saying. We can like each other now without you feeling obligated to alter your recollection of our childhood. I know you didn’t think of melike that, and I’ve made my peace with it.”
His head falls to the pillow, air blowing out of his mouth like I’m being unreasonable. “After I was exiled, I came to Hadria to see you.”
