Page 27 of The Lover's Eye
“Of course not, Isobel.That shall be a task for us, and while it is an enticing topic of conversation, I do not wish to remember this event with you being snappish and … filthy.”
Her stomach flipped.This event.Her darkest fears were manifesting before her eyes.“I’m not ready,” she spit out.
Elias ran a hand through his hair and squeezed his eyes shut.“Precisely, but it is not such a chore to have Betsey help you wash and change.Why must you insist on being difficult?It is most unlike you.”
Anything less than total compliance was unlike the Isobel he knew and wanted.“No, you’re not understanding.I-I’m not ready to be betrothed.”
Elias’s eyes grew wide, flashing with some inexplicable, dangerous depth of emotion.“Why ever not?Have I ever been indecent to you?”He moved closer, his voice rising.“Have I ever failed to compliment you?To call on you?”
“You have always been decent, Elias.And perfectly mannerly,” Isobel said, her voice shaky.Those were the qualities she had reminded herself of over the years, assuming she would one day reconcile herself into marrying him.She knew now that would never happen.
Elias threw his hands up, his tone pitching to a volume that hurt her ears.“Then what more can I offer you?”
She took a step back, the first feeling of danger sparking in her chest.It was the first time all day she wished Betsey were with her.
He immediately crowded back into her space.“I am serious Isobel, I deserve an answer from you!What more can I do?Why must you insist on being unwilling to my advances?”
Tears burned at the corners of her eyes.“I am not unwilling.I am frightened, I … Perhaps if I understood what our marriage would be like—”
“What it would be like,” Elias said derisively, shaking his head.He made a small circle, clamping a palm to his forehead.“Like all marriages, Isobel.We will have those children you talked about, and I will run the estate just as your father has.”
“And what of my walks?”
“There is no reason you cannot walk the grounds here, though I will always ensure Betsey or Mother is in your company.”
Isobel’s stomach inverted at the idea of Lady Sempill attempting to join her on a walk.“And if I want to visit my sister?”she managed to press.
“Certainly.I would take you.”
“And what of my funds?”Isobel licked her lips, her pulse accelerating.“You know Papa has always given me an allowance for my books.”
Elias picked up her hands.“Why would you trouble yourself over such things?These are a gentleman’s concerns.It will be even finer when it’s just the two of us, and I am in absolute control of the coffers.I am a good manager, you know.You will never be in want.”
If Isobel had not spent the whole of her day exerting herself into malnourishment, she might have been sick.She stared at their hands, the image quavering before her eyes.It took little imagination to see a ring upon her finger, to hear herself asking Elias for every farthing.
“What are you thinking?”he asked quietly.
She shook her head, sending a tear onto his hand.
“Isobel?”
Elias placed a hand under her chin and lifted her face to him.“Pray, tell me what it is.You can trust me.”
She squeezed her eyes shut, knowing if she met his gaze her weeping would multiply tenfold.When Elias’s gentle touch did not waver and he did not press her further, she decided to make the attempt.
“I am not sure I want to marry.”
He pushed away from her.“No.You don’t mean that.”He stalked several paces down the path and back, his boots crunching in the trees’ spent needles.“This is my fault.”
Isobel opened her eyes now.She felt like she was being choked, her throat aching with unspent sobs.“That is not true, Elias.I only know I am not ready, and I cannot tell you if I ever will be.”
It took tremendous strength to say the words.She knew they would hurt him, but perhaps this was her path forward: brutal honesty.
Elias stopped a few inches shy of her, his eyes stony and his brows crunched into a deep frown.“I have not made one misstep.I have been patient with you, and that is my fault.I should have listened.”
“Listened?”Isobel’s voice was hardly above a squeak.
In a swift move, Elias grabbed her by the shoulders.He was close enough he had to bow his chin to meet her eye, and when Isobel tried to writhe out of his touch, his fingers dug into her flesh.“If only I had taken Mother’s advice sooner, perhaps we would already be wed.But it is not too late to alter course.”
