Page 22 of Reign
Racing home because I need another dose. I felt the monster rattling its cage, and I cannot lose it around my family. It’s not fair to them. It’s not fair to anyone for me to be like this.Maybe I am sick.Maybe I do have multiple personalities, and I should see someone about it. But no, I’d rather drug myself to keep it at bay for as long as possible. Why? Because again I’m a coward.This is the only way I know. I can’t help it.
Pulling into the driveway after waving off Rafe, I run into the house and into the kitchen, swinging the refrigerator door open and taking out both syringes and then plunging one into my neck and the other into my chest. I stumble, catching myself on the counter, and take a deep breath as the warm liquid flows through my veins, shutting everything off. I shake my head,turning on the faucet of the sink, then cupping my hands and filling them with water to coat my overheated face. I do this a few times until the drugs settle in my system. Making me feel like myself again, but why do I feel so guilty? Maybe everyone is better off without me. Maybe if I were dead, everything would stop. All the Chaos and Mayhem would completely stop.A life for a life.
Taking out my phone, I hit call and bring the phone to my ear.
“Hello, Son,” he coos as moans in the background greet my ears.I guess raping my wife wasn’t enough for him.
“If I kill myself, will you leave everyone alone? I’ll give you my life for theirs,” I offer, and he laughs.
“You are not what I want, Jameson. You, my disappointment of a spawn, have nothing to offer me. I have someone new who will give me what I want and need in due time. But if you want to end your life, have at it. I really don’t care.” He laughs again, and I end the call, slamming my phone down against the counter.Fuck him.Maybe he will care once I’m gone. Then he will no longer have a puppet to control.Fucking bastard.
Leaving the kitchen, I walk into the living room and stare out of the front windows. Bullet holes still litter some panes. I tried so hard to make this house our home, to raise our children in—well, their children, because my wife seems to not want to have any babies with me. Do I blame her? No, I wouldn’t want another me roaming around. I’m enough of a problem as it is. Does it sting? Definitely.What am I even here for? What’s the point of all of this?She hasn’t let me touch her really since my return. She doesn’t confide in me, and now she’s on birth control because it must sicken her to think of having one of my children. Just the thought that I disgust her sends my fist through the glass, shattering it. Shards fall at my feet as I continue to punchthrough the windows. The broken pieces sink into my skin like razors while blood seeps onto the floor.
“She doesn’t need me anymore, none of them do,” I whisper to myself as I lift the coffee table and send it flying across the room into the TV, shattering it. “Spade found love with Ryder. Dario doesn’t trust me. So what is the fucking point?” I scream.
Walking around the house, I destroy everything in sight, my rage finally boiling over as I self-destruct. Heading down the hall, I rip the paintings from the wall, smash them to the ground, and then walk up the stairs to where all our weapons are stored. Keying in the code, the safe door swings open and my eyes light up.Which one will it be for me?Do I take the gun Dario bought for her and blow my head off or do I use my daggers and drag it across my throat? I could just strap some grenades to my belt and blow myself up. There’s always the swords too.So many weapons I can choose from.
“I tried to drown my brother at the academy. I did that. The one thing he’s terrified of—and I did that to him. I sold my girlfriend to the Russians. They still don’t know that I’m the one who told that motherfucker where she was, and she still blamed herself. I’m a terrible person. I’m the reason Harper is dead. All those kids are fucking dead along with Bianca because I gave the location of the warehouse. It was me. I created all of this,” I scream, picking up my favorite dagger and slicing down my arm, reveling in the sting while I watch my blood seep from the wound. “I told D’mitri where to find us on her birthday.” I place the knife down and strip off my clothes, taking a few weapons with me as I leave the safe room. Standing in the middle of our bedroom that reeks of her sweet scent, I look into her mirror that she stands in front of every day after she gets dressed and slice down my other arm.
“I’m a fucking monster. I don’t deserve to live after everything I’ve done,” I yell, dragging the blade down my barechest, hissing as I do it. “I gave Monty the syringe to take her memory away. I put that fucking bomb in Dario's Suburban, and worst of all, I killed their child. I told my father where she was. It’s all my fucking fault,” I cry out, continuing to slice into my flesh. “Maybe my father isn’t the villain after all. It’s me. I’m the bad guy, and I should be killed. I know they won’t do it. They will forgive me, but never trust me. Or I have it all wrong. Maybe this is all a setup to make me feel loved and wanted when really they are going to take me out,” I sob, tears falling down my face. Blood slowly pours from my wounds, dripping on Jade’s brand new rugs. “I don’t want to be here anymore. I don’t deserve to breathe,” I yell as I lift the blade, sending it—
“Jamie, no!” Jade screams, startling me as she rushes towards me, but I spin the knife, pointing at her bruised face.
“Jade, get back. Please get away from me!” I yell as the others come barrelling in. They look at me with wide eyes, and I take the knife and bring it to my throat. “Another step from any of you and I will drag this blade right across my flesh,” I spit.
“Jay, what is going on?” Spade asks calmly as fear radiates from his features.
“This is my goodbye. I don’t want to live anymore. I don’t want to be here any longer,” I confess, heaving as I say every word that weighs so heavily on my chest.
“Y-you don’t m-mean that Jamie. Take it back, Jameson,” she yells as I press the metal against my skin.
“I mean it, and I won’t take it back. You don't want me anymore; I sicken you, Jade. You won’t have my children. I can’t do this anymore!” I scream, pressing the blade deeper.
“Jameson. Drop the knife! This is not you talking,” Dario commands, and my eyes fly to him.
“Why do you care? I tried to kill you. I did kill you. All of you. I don’t deserve any of you. I belong in the ground!” I shout as Jade takes a step closer, “Jade, stop!” I yell.
“I love you, Jameson, please look at me. Hear my words, baby. I want you and I need you,” she begs, but I shake my head, causing the blade to cut against my flesh.
“That’s not true, Jay. Come on, just put down the knife and let’s talk about it,” Spade interjects, taking a step closer.
“No, it’s time I make it all better for you. No more hurting the ones I love. I’m the reason for all of your pain. I’m the monster. I’m the villain. I did this. I created the mess our life has become. I killed your child! I killed Harper! I’m the one who put everything in motion from day one!” I scream as tears pour down my face. “I don’t deserve to breathe, and if you won’t take my life from me, then I will.” I say the last word, dragging the blade, but a single gunshot echoes through the room, and Jade’s screams permeate the air as my body falls to the floor, and darkness seeps into my vision.
Jade
Love & Cum
The gunshot has my ears ringing from the proximity we are in. I turn my head as Jameson’s body falls to the floor; the knife bounces beside him on my, once beige now red, carpet. Ryder lowers his weapon, placing it back into his holster. I narrow my eyes and charge at him, but Spade snakes his arms around my waist, pushing me away.
“Calm down and help Jay,” he whispers, leading me away from my brother.
“Why did you do that?” I yell, and he shakes his head.
“If I didn’t, he would’ve, and I wasn’t letting him die on my watch,” he says as tears fall down my cheeks.
“Fuck!” I yell. “What do we do now?” I ask as Spade places me down on my feet and we check Jamie’s vitals.
“He’s still breathing. The bullet grazed his shoulder,” he says, looking up at the wall, pointing at the hole. I take a deep breath and rest my head against Jamie’s chest.
