Page 81 of Actions and Reactions
It’s a win.
For all of us.
A huge fucking win.
20
Silas
December
I’m painfullyaware that my time in New Hope is coming to an end and that there’s one more thing I need to deal with before I can graduate.
Annie decided to stay a little longer, but Consuelo left just yesterday—the neighbors she’d told us about came by to pick her up—and we got two new patients last week right after Thanksgiving.
Serena is a second grade teacher who hid all her students during a school shooting, and Harold is a sweet eighty-seven year old man who got into a car accident last month and lost his wife and his dog.
Their stories are brutal and they remind me and Annieof when we first got here. They look so lost and sad all the time. Having Annie here helps me because I’m not the only one who’s here to “show them the ropes” when they have their first group sessions.
It’s becoming clearer and clearer to me that this place has changed the way I look at the world, and the clearest sign is when Annie and I start spending our free time in the common room playing boardgames. Our favorite is Battleship, and she’s really damn good at finding my ships no matter how hard I try not to put them in obvious places.
“I’m glad you’ve become friends,” Dave says when he finds us there after breakfast.
“Silas is cool,” is all Annie says.
“You only say that because you always beat me at this stupid game.”
“Maybe,” she says, smug as all hell. It’s a good look on her.
“Dr. Conway’s waiting for you,” Dave tells her, then he nods toward the windows and I follow him to his office.
“I think I need to tell my parents,” I blurt out before he’s even sitting.
“About?”
“You know what.” I huff out a breath and go to the couch. “It’s time, and I think if I don’t tell them while I’m here then I’m either never going to tell them or I’ll just yell it at them someday.”
“All right.” The stupidly calm tone really is so fucking annoying, and I tell him so right to his placid-ass face. He laughs at me, because of course he does. “Laughter is thecure for most troubles, Silas.” He uses what I call his wise voice, and I know he’s right, so...
“So you think it’s a good idea? To tell them?”
“I think you’re right that it’s something you need to address,” he confirms. “You want to do it this Sunday?”
That’s only two days away, but since it’s the first Sunday Lottie won’t be here, since she couldn’t get out of going on this roadie, I think the timing is pretty perfect.
“Yes.”
“All right then, let’s prep.” He looks way too excited about this. It’s probably going to be depressing as hell.
“So I wantedto talk to you guys about something.” I rub my palms over my thighs, trying to get rid of some of this nervous energy that’s really not helping me keep my voice steady.
“Sure, is everything okay?” Dad looks at Dave and me, then back to Dave, and I really feel bad for him. He’s not had the best time over the past few months, seeing me hurt has hurt him a lot, and we both deserve the chance to put all this behind us.
I don’t want him to worry about me hurting myself, or over my happiness. I want him to trust that he’s done right by me and that I’m going to have a good life.
Logically, I know that’s what they want from me, but buried deep in my brain there’s always been this idea that he wanted something else more.
“I think talking about this will help Silas keep moving forward,” Dave says, and for once his calm voice doesn’t bother me, because I see it has the desired effect on my parents.
