Page 70 of Actions and Reactions
We’ll be back from the roadie on Wednesday, can we chat then? I’ll be waiting at this time in any case.
I’m holding my breath while I read, and though I know the clock’s running out, I can’t bring myself to write anything back. It’s so apparent and obvious this time, the delight at hearing from him so soon, and then the sharp turn of my emotions when he mentions a roadie.
The only reason I don’t spiral out of control is because my phone buzzes yet again.
I miss you too.
My breath comes out unsteady, and I feel like crying, can actually feel my eyes watering up.
What the fuck is wrong with me?I wonder, and this time the voice in my head isn’t sarcastic or angry, it’s scared.
Silas:
You can message me any time and I’ll answer when I can.
I feel like I should say something...more, but I can’t think of anything, so I shut down my phone on autopilot and give it back to nurse Li, even try to muster up a smile for him, but I clearly fail.
When I turn around I see the older woman with her phone, wiping away a tear, the tough looking guy focusingintently on something he’s reading, and the lady who knows who I am, one of the hockey fans.
I don’t know if it helps me or not, to see people who’ve obviously been here longer than me as interested in their phones as I was. Of course, not as desperate, but still...
I walk to the other side of the room and make my way to the common area where we’ll have our therapy session in who knows how many minutes—I don’t really care.
I see there are seven chairs already placed in a circle in the middle of the room, which means someone prepared the room for us, and I make my way there and sit facing the windows.
I’m aware over the next few minutes of people coming in and sitting around me, but it’s not until Dr. Jody’s face appears in my direct line of sight that I’m truly consciously here.
“Are you all right?” she asks softly, her hand going to my shoulder.
“Ye-yeah.” I swallow hard once I clear my throat. “Sorry,” I mutter. “Did you say something before?”
“I just greeted you.” She smiles, and I suspect she did say something else, maybe other people did too. And that’s when the embarrassment hits and I lower my eyes to my shoes.
“We did say hello,” I hear a woman’s voice from next to me, and since it sounds old and has an accent I can’t place, my guess is that it’s the older woman.
“Hi,” I whisper, and I hate how meek I sound. I see Dr.Jody walk to my left out of the corner of my eye and take a seat.
“Good afternoon, everyone,” she says, her tone friendly. Everyone greets her. “As you’ve all probably seen since last night we have a new member, and we’ll give him the same introduction you all received.”
There’s a marked moment of silence and then someone clears their throat.
“Are we supposed to start now?” A deep voice comes from my right.
“Silas?” Dr. Jody asks. “This is an important step for everyone to go through, so please look up at your companions.” She sounds so damn careful and caring, I can’t not do what she asks, so I look up and around.
The five people I’ve seen around here for the past day are all looking at me with varying degrees of welcome.
“I’m Louis.” The same voice from before belongs to the guy I guessed is in his thirties, the tough looking one. I nod at him.
“Nice to meet you,” I manage to whisper.
“You too, kid. I’m a construction worker. We were building a new skyscraper in the city and I lost my best friend when some scaffolding failed.”
My mouth goes dry at his story, at the pain I see in his eyes, and at the strength that’s right there with it.
Is this some kind of sadistic ritual?
Am I seriously supposed to know what the hell to say back?
