Page 69 of Actions and Reactions
I’m obviously never going to do the wall-punching thing again, I need to find a better balance and get rid of this anger that comes out whenever I think about hockey, but otherwise I’m good.
A yawn overtakes me when I’m putting my tray back, and so without even thinking about it, I go to my room and lie down.
When I wake up and I remember where I am, I spring up, scared I missed my window to get my phone, but I see it’s almost three, so I lie back down and breathe deeply to slow down my heart rate.
Once I can breathe easier, I put my shoes on again and grab my new notebook, the pencil, and the paper where I wrote down everything I need to text, and go to the nurses station to wait there.
I think over what Dave said, and try to start a mental list of what I want from my life after I leave this place, but still nothing different to what I had in Las Vegas comes to mind.
I guess I thought of three things for the list earlier, though, didn’t I?
So I jot those down while I wait, leaning against the hallway wall.
Find a better balance with work.
Stop punching walls.
Get rid of the anger.
That’s really all I can think of, and before I can even consider becoming frustrated with Dave again, nurse Li pops his head up and smiles at me.
“Want your phone, Silas?”
“Yes, please.”
He nods, still smiling, and then ducks behind his desk. I hear a few metallic clanks before he pops up again.
“Here you go.”
I breathe an unsteady and ridiculous sigh of relief when I feel the cold device against my hand, and I turn it on right away.
Instead of wasting time going to my bedroom, I sit at one of the tables and get to sending message after message.
I tell Gab I can only answer texts at this time of day and that I can’t make any calls, then move on to texting Lottie everything I want, and I tell her to please tell Mom and Dad about the timing as well.
Then I get to Vinny, and see I only have eight minutes left, so I breathe in deeply and focus.
Silas:
Hey Vinny. This is the only time of day when I can use my phone.
Only texting, no phone calls, but I wanted to let you know.
I only have fifteen minutes, but I was hoping maybe we could chat someday?
I miss you.
I didn’t plan on saying that, but I do... I miss him so damn much, and I wish he was here with me so I didn’t feel so fucking alone and so he could tell me how everything is going to be okay.
I leave it at that, though, then go to check my emails. Sandy wrote back telling me to not worry, that she’s using all the systems I’ve developed over the past few months and that she has everyone at the Pirates helping where she needs it. She also says they’re all wishing me well and a speedy recovery, which makes me wonder what everyone at the Pirates thinks happened to me, but I don’t have the time to wonder about that right now.
My phone buzzes and I see Lottie wrote back with a simple thumbs up, which I appreciate this time—I hate it every other time—and I think she wrote something more but it buzzes again and I see Vinny’s replied.
Vinny:
I’m glad you can have your phone, even if it’s only for fifteen minutes.
Hope you’re getting better, Si.
